Ex's and Children on Motorbikes

I think the thing to remember here is that it is likely that your ex knows that it is (reletively) safe for your 8 yo to be on the bike with the necessary protective gear. The chances are you are going to be super cautious with him on the back anyway. The truth is, this is an opportunity for your ex to dig in the 'get back at you' knife. It is probably more to do with her relationship with you than her relationship with your son.

I feel for you mate... Do you have court order in place RE access...

I had this some years ago when I started taking my daughter sailing. Ex wife tried to stop me and was trying to control the activities in my access time.

In the end I took the gamble and said the court has placed a court order allowing me access. They have trusted me with the welfare of our child, I can do what I want with the child (legally and within reason).

If you do not like the activities we are doing stop the access and I will l take you to court for breach of court order...

I have had very few grumbles from X since then....

Although she has made daughter promise she will NEVER EVER go on the back of a motorbike .

Then this is the same mum that recently a few years later than the above. Daughter tells daddy mummy was crying because daughter was going to be away on holiday with her daddy.

Leaving mummy on her own with younger 1/2 sister, with step dad coming back every evening and mummy was not going to cope on her "own"!!

Luckily our bond is still strong enough that daughter can walk away from the tears at 8, but some times I wonder how long this will remain...

It is a bit worrying though - my mum cursed my dad all the time, was upset all the time, took all her hurt out on me. I already hated him for cheating on her and leaving but I would've been ok and come round after some time...but my mum kept turning me against him and my stepmum, slating him all the time etc. Went years without contact, I attacked him for the kind attempts of contact, ripped up a load of money he gave me for a birthday and destroyed thoughtful presents and posted them back to him. He wasn't perfect though, he was always on the booze which didn't help himself...but he was going through a tough time too as he lost his 20yo business, going through divorce and was losing both his kids too.

Wasn't til my 2nd year at uni til he wrote me a letter with pictures of him and my stepmum and stepsis and their dog and told me about their life and asked me about mine til I wrote back. Eventually met up and we have been mostly fine ever since - see him all the time now I live in SW London. I really regret all those years I missed with him and the hurt I let myself suffer cos I listened to my mum. He did some crappy things but at the end of the day it wasn't my battle and I shouldn't have been involved.

Just make sure your kid still feels loved, don't put mum down but don't let her talk crap about you to your child either. My mum, 15 years later, STILL talks crap about my dad. Guess who I have the stronger relationship with now?! Was always more of a daddy's girl anyway .

A little off topic I know. I just feel for you and thought I'd share my experience in the hope you won't have anything nearly as rubbish happen to any of you lot. Kids shouldn't be involved in relationship stuff.

If your ex knows you ride like a loony (in no way saying you do of course!) I could understand...maybe some reassurance would be good? Or do a slow charity ride or something? Or just wait til he's a bit older (12+) and can make more informed choices and tell his mum she can't make decisions for him. then it won't be all dad's fault...

It is a shame as it'd be a nice, fun bonding experience and he could show off to all his mates!...but not the end of the world, there are lots of other nice things you could do together.

Don't know your split up details with your ex... But in my experiance thier blood turns to venom, wouldn't matter what you wanted to do with your child they just try to be awkward and use the child as a weapon.... Bitches.

This is funny

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jFvlxc9X_zo

Video works now

Don't know your split up details with your ex... But in my experiance thier blood turns to venom, wouldn't matter what you wanted to do with your child they just try to be awkward and use the child as a weapon.... Bitches.

This is funny

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=95wDg9IwVUM

video private? ?

Thanks moo, your not the only one to say similar. We can only do our best. ...

Six 30 I put it down to human instinct.

Men meant to go and spread there seed if it's got tits and human, they will shaggy it...

women meant to protect child, once farther is no use to mother, he is no use to child and must be removed from child's life (accept with regards to money, obviously that is very different!)

Either way we pretty much agree on the end result ...

Men meant to go and spread there seed if it's got tits and human, they will shaggy it...

women meant to protect child, once farther is no use to mother, he is no use to child and must be removed from child's life (accept with regards to money, obviously that is very different!)

Either way we pretty much agree on the end result ...

Errm, I wouldn't go that far! That's a verrrry negative way to look at things, I certainly don't think like that. How is dad no use to a child? ....but maybe you've had a crap experience and that's how you feel. My dad was always a big part of my life til shit hit the fan when I was 14-19. Even tho my mum slated my dad she didn't get money off him.

Dads are just as important as mums I would hate to have a kid and dad not be there for him/her. Breakups are hard on everyone, but I really think kids need to be kept out of it as much as possible. It's so hard and hurtful as it us without them being dragged into it all.

well she has just shot me down, as she thinks he is too young to be on the back of a motorbike as he is only 8.

oh well 12 more years of this till I can never see her again!!! (that's when he turns 18!)

l feel your pain, a lot of ex's become ex's due to motor bikes, there the third woman as far as most women are concerned . As for taking your youngster out, if she won't play ball and let him go, it's going to take all the fun out of it, no point in having your youngster in the middle of a shit fight by taking legal advice - action. Give Karma time to sort it out all will come good.

Moo

As with my comment about blokes showing there seed (ps it was not me who did that). I was being very extreme, it's just the best logic i can come up with meet.

I agree with your comments about needing dad in life is just sad when it costs (emotionally, financially, in time, career, lost wages, lethal costs) so much.

These situations become very sad very easily.

The real challenge is not to become bitter. ..

hey guys,

Well the split wasn't very amicable, but that was 8 years ago now and I'm married again.

I see what you mean though and If I am honest I am going to wait till he is a little older and in high school. that way he will have his own mind.

@onesea: I kind of know how you feel, I have had him used against me as a weapon and ways to get money when she wanted to go out for the night and as a babysitter (Instead of his dad). they can turn really nasty at times.

@Moo: I'm glad things worked out with your dad. and you have a healthy relationship now?

@Moo: I'm glad things worked out with your dad. and you have a healthy relationship now?

Yeah we do thanks, I moooved back near him this time last year and see him, my stepmum and nan all the time now - it's pretty awesome! Feel like I missed out on so much time and still regret it...but getting to make it up at long last. Love them all to bits .

@Moo: I'm glad things worked out with your dad. and you have a healthy relationship now?

 

Yeah we do thanks, I moooved back near him this time last year and see him, my stepmum and nan all the time now - it's pretty awesome! Feel like I missed out on so much time and still regret it...but getting to make it up at long last. Love them all to bits .

Good to hear your now sorted Moo just a shame kids get dragged into nasty divorces.

My ex did exactly the same, poisoned my daughter big style against me and my family, made her and my life a misery despite her being the route cause of our split. It's took many years for my daughter to see through it all we now get on fine and Karma has taken care of her Mother, she now on her own with little to no love or friendship shame !!

Life is but a one way ticket, so get the best ride you can.

Good to hear your now sorted Moo just a shame kids get dragged into nasty divorces.

My ex did exactly the same, poisoned my daughter big style against me and my family, made her and my life a misery despite her being the route cause of our split. It's took many years for my daughter to see through it all we now get on fine and Karma has taken care of her Mother, she now on her own with little to no love or friendship shame !!

Life is but a one way ticket, so get the best ride you can.

Great you have agood relationship with your daughter again . It's incredibly tough. I would just advise anyone in the same position to persevere and be as nice as possible and ask your kid to make up their own mind on issues, not to be swayed by what they hear, and remind them this isn't their battle and you want to keep them out of it as much as possible. If they get dragged into it, at least it won't be by you and they will realise. Never give up. If they won't answer calls etc, write to them. Keep the contact going.

I now have not the greatest relationship with my mum (she's been with a wacky guy for the past 10 years who seems to hate me for no apparent reason - maybe cos my mum doesn't get on with his daughter?), and I'm now very close to the paternals. Oh well...I've learnt from their mistakes at least. Would never put a kid through what my bro and I went through. He has totally cut off my dad, nan (she did nothing wrong) and barely speaks to my mum...or me unless I contact him. Such a shame. Family are so important...I wouldn't give up on anyone so easily again.

Keep yer chin up and keep your relationships with your kids strong .

This is turning into a really heavy conversation!

@Moo it's good to hear it from your perspective!

it would have been so easy to give up contact, as it was made so difficult to see him, I was threatened with everything. untill I went to a solicitor and a lovely letter was sent and our arrangement has been the same now for 5 years. She still tries it on now and again and i just smile and grit my teeth as it is usually when my son is in the room. I just get him ready and mumble under my breath as it's his wellbeing that matters I can sort my own out when he is older.

this was by no means meant to be a women hating thread, but women can be such dicks

This is turning into a really heavy conversation!

@Moo it's good to hear it from your perspective!

it would have been so easy to give up contact, as it was made so difficult to see him, I was threatened with everything. untill I went to a solicitor and a lovely letter was sent and our arrangement has been the same now for 5 years. She still tries it on now and again and i just smile and grit my teeth as it is usually when my son is in the room. I just get him ready and mumble under my breath as it's his wellbeing that matters I can sort my own out when he is older.

this was by no means meant to be a women hating thread, but women can be such dicks

Haha, it's not heavy, I just wanted to tell ppl don't give up hope . Glad all is going mostly well your end. I didn't see it as women-hating don't worry (or I'd have kicked off ), and tbh I have experienced it first hand, and heard enough of women using their kids unfairly as weapons in disputes with ex's as they are the ones in more control. Fathers really should have more rights.

Some good has come out of C19...

Eventually when I could again see my daughter after a couple of months, only whilst social distancing...

My X told me my daughter could not go on car because of social distancing, I said what about bike...

Afew days later and a little email ping pong, daughter was allowed in the car (with Windows open)...

Then I was allowed to see my daughter as when she wants (which is whenever I am not working)... A couple of months stuck in doors with her mum seemed to make dad seem a good option...

A little more time and she has now been allowed on the back of bike and wants to go camping in it next access

Unfortunately lot of X use kids for revenge. Revenge and alimony weapons.

I couldn’t see my kids for years, as when I was on sea it was impossible, as soon I was back home was impossible for some other reasons. Fortunately kids are not kids anymore so now they can have their own mind, but years that we lost are wasted.

[mention]onesea[/mention] silver linings and all that

Been through all of that wouldn't like to do it again, glad your getting time together enjoy it because it won't be 2mins till she has a life of her own.

was on sea it was impossible,

It's hard when you go for months with little contact. Then the same thing made 2 months not seeing each other and lockdown childs play.

I have been fighting this for over a decade, I have the teen years left to run so I am sure there are more battles to come.

It's a sad one as there are no winners, just occasional truces.