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On leaving hospital with her new baby daughter Kate demanded security was stepped up, not to protect her from the crowd out side, she heard Prince Andrew was on his way.

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"Hello everyone and welcome to the first annual ISIS Suicide Bombers competition!"


"Can the first contestant please introduce yourself?"


"Yes hi my names Abdhul, I'm from islamabad and I'm 18, 17, 16, 15......."

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Police identified Jihadi John as a London based computer programmer.


Police suspect he may have been trying to recruit others to his cause earlier through use of an app he made for smartphones: "Angry Kurds"

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  • 2 weeks later...

My Geordie mate reckons he's the best in our gang at flirting.


....he's wrong....because when we all jumped into the pool-he sank!

Edited by puggybear
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A guy walking his dog next to the canal.

Dog falls in and the man panics as he and the dog can't swim, he starts shouting help help I can't swim and my dog can't swim.

A German guy walking past jumps in, drags the dog out and starts cpr on the dog.

The guy says still panicking oh thanks, thank you so much are you a vet.

The German guy shouts. Vet I'm bloody soaking ;-)

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