Your worst joke!!!

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Six30
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#841 Post by Six30 » Sun Jan 07, 2018 11:59 am

Been a bit skint lately so said to the mrs your going to have to go work the corner at the end of the street... I dropped her off and went to pick her up a few hours later ..
" so how did you do " I said
" not bad , £200.50 pence "
What twat gave you 50 pence "
All of em " she replied
"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#842 Post by Joeman » Sun Jan 07, 2018 5:27 pm

When my wife gets drunk, her inhibitions in the bedroom completely disappear. It might sound good to some guys, but when she got in last night she shit in my slippers and called the lamp a ****.
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#843 Post by Stu » Mon Jan 08, 2018 8:57 pm

23473100_1508311572583178_8366404779282043415_n.jpg
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Don't steal!.... the government hates competition!!!

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#844 Post by Joeman » Fri Jan 12, 2018 7:21 am

PHARAOH: we shall build religious monuments. they will baffle future science.

SUBJECT: should we leave them a note to explain how we did it?

PHARAOH: yes, take this down

SUBJECT: ok

PHARAOH: cat, dog, snake, bird, cat, man with the head of a cat, dog, cat, bird
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#845 Post by Six30 » Fri Jan 12, 2018 9:52 am

Stu wrote:
Mon Jan 08, 2018 8:57 pm
23473100_1508311572583178_8366404779282043415_n.jpg


Same as mods then :D :D
"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#846 Post by Stu » Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:09 am

Six30 wrote:
Fri Jan 12, 2018 9:52 am
Stu wrote:
Mon Jan 08, 2018 8:57 pm
23473100_1508311572583178_8366404779282043415_n.jpg


Same as mods then :D :D
Not true!

Otherwise you would have been a mod ages ago :mrgreen:
Don't steal!.... the government hates competition!!!

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Six30
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#847 Post by Six30 » Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:29 pm

Stu wrote:
Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:09 am
Six30 wrote:
Fri Jan 12, 2018 9:52 am
Stu wrote:
Mon Jan 08, 2018 8:57 pm
23473100_1508311572583178_8366404779282043415_n.jpg


Same as mods then :D :D
Not true!

Otherwise you would have been a mod ages ago :mrgreen:
.....,
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"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#848 Post by onesea » Sun Jan 14, 2018 7:23 pm

A petrol station owner in Ireland was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.
If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close.
The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'

A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.

Paddy guessed 2. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3.
You were close, but no free sex this time.'

As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy,
'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really
give away free sex at all.'

Paddy replied, 'No it's genuine enough Mick.

My wife won twice last week.
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#849 Post by Six30 » Wed Jan 17, 2018 6:55 pm

Took the Missus to the Doctor's today to sort out her Tourettes. Turns out she doesn't have it.
I am a c#*t and she really wants me to f**k off.
"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#850 Post by Stu » Thu Jan 18, 2018 10:59 pm

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8 -year old son in the flat, was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the street activities.
Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation;
'There's a car being towed from the car park,' he shouted.
'An ambulance just drove past'
'Looks like the Andersons have visitors,' he called out.
'Matt's riding a new bike!'
'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
'Jason is on his skateboard!’
After a few moments, he announced, 'Mr and Mrs Cooper are having a shag!’
Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!

Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know that, son?'

'Jimmy Cooper's standing on his balcony eating a Mars Bar.’
Don't steal!.... the government hates competition!!!

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