Your worst joke!!!

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puggybear
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#931 Post by puggybear » Fri May 04, 2018 6:54 pm

...and another thing,whilst I'm still gorgeous [huh-as if THAT'D ever change]

I really cannot remember the last time I ate creamed rice!

...which makes me wonder if I'm starting to experience ambrosia...

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puggybear
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#932 Post by puggybear » Fri May 04, 2018 6:57 pm

The admin didn't remember me [sob!] as it's been a while. {some of us have t'work...y'know?}

So;they asked me for my password.
I replied TIPPEX. [correct me if I'm wrong]

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Bhawk
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#933 Post by Bhawk » Fri May 04, 2018 9:20 pm

They say masturbation is better with a dead arm


Apparently I ruined that funeral

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puggybear
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#934 Post by puggybear » Sat May 05, 2018 1:23 pm

Yesterday,I took the M4 out of London.
BUT...
A copper stopped me & made me put it back.

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Six30
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#935 Post by Six30 » Sat May 05, 2018 1:51 pm

puggybear wrote:
Sat May 05, 2018 1:23 pm
Yesterday,I took the M4 out of London.
BUT...
A copper stopped me & made me put it back.

Not run out of Christmas crackers yet then :D
"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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puggybear
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#936 Post by puggybear » Sun May 06, 2018 3:08 am

Oh;sorry 'Six'....merely my futile attempt at humour.

I shall cease immediately,as soon as I finish reading this book about the invention of superglue.

...it's fascinating - I can't put it down...

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#937 Post by Justarn » Sun May 06, 2018 7:48 am

How do you make a sausage roll?











Push it.
1998 xjr1200 cafe fighter.
Don't insult me.... You make everyone realise your an idiot.

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#938 Post by Baldrick » Sun May 06, 2018 8:30 am

"Now pay attention, 007!
This might look like an ordinary pen ... ... but turn it upside down
and you can see her tits."

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puggybear
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#939 Post by puggybear » Sun May 06, 2018 5:36 pm

There's a lot of money to be made selling manure!

My mate started selling horse poo...and now he's rolling in it!

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#940 Post by Tango » Thu May 10, 2018 9:15 pm

FB_IMG_1525981103553.jpg
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I feel the need....the need for Speed......Triple

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Six30
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#941 Post by Six30 » Thu May 24, 2018 5:28 pm

...
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"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Six30
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#942 Post by Six30 » Thu May 24, 2018 5:29 pm

...
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"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Six30
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#943 Post by Six30 » Thu May 24, 2018 5:30 pm

...
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"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Bhawk
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#944 Post by Bhawk » Sun May 27, 2018 1:14 am

My husband and i were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn't want to leave them unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.

Because i didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, i explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother. A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away.

"Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and i had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so i grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn't scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard....she had better not shit in the vegetable garden again."

The silence in the taxi was deafening.....

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#945 Post by Stu » Mon May 28, 2018 9:53 pm

Don't steal!.... the government hates competition!!!