Your worst joke!!!

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puggybear
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#991 Post by puggybear » Wed Sep 26, 2018 4:52 am

Y'know,unexpected sex is a REALLY nice way to be woken up.



...unless you're in prison....

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puggybear
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#992 Post by puggybear » Wed Sep 26, 2018 4:56 am

...and always remember-fat girls defy the laws of physics.


OHHH,yes they do. The heavier they are,the easier they are to pick up!

Ai thenkyoh.

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Stu
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#993 Post by Stu » Fri Sep 28, 2018 8:07 am

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Don't steal!.... the government hates competition!!!

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Tiggie
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#994 Post by Tiggie » Fri Sep 28, 2018 10:05 am

There was a man that received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.

The man tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, he put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking and kicking and screaming, and then, suddenly, there was quiet. The man was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto the man's extended arm and said:

"I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions and ask for your forgiveness. I will endeavour to correct my behaviour."

The man was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had changed him ... when the parrot continued:

"May I ask what the chicken did wrong?"
I'm an idiot who puts up Christmas lights in November

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Six30
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#995 Post by Six30 » Mon Oct 08, 2018 2:41 pm

....
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"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#996 Post by Six30 » Tue Oct 09, 2018 1:59 pm

....
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"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#997 Post by Tiggie » Tue Oct 09, 2018 4:17 pm

I liked this one :lol:
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I'm an idiot who puts up Christmas lights in November

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Six30
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#998 Post by Six30 » Thu Oct 11, 2018 5:01 pm

Brilliant :lol:
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"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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SometimesSansEngine
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#999 Post by SometimesSansEngine » Thu Oct 11, 2018 8:11 pm

Six30 wrote:
Thu Oct 11, 2018 5:01 pm
Brilliant :lol:
Michael Rosen I guess?

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1000 Post by Six30 » Thu Oct 11, 2018 8:45 pm

SometimesSansEngine wrote:
Thu Oct 11, 2018 8:11 pm
Six30 wrote:
Thu Oct 11, 2018 5:01 pm
Brilliant :lol:
Michael Rosen I guess?

Joe Pasquale
"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1001 Post by Tiggie » Thu Oct 11, 2018 8:54 pm

A Man wants a divorce so goes to see the Judge at court.

He tells him "I need a divorce, I cant take it anymore, she just spends every night out in different pubs and clubs until the early hours of the morning.

The Judge asks the Man why he thinks that is

He replies "she's looking for me" :lol:
I'm an idiot who puts up Christmas lights in November

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1002 Post by Stu » Sun Oct 14, 2018 8:45 pm

I've just been to visit the wifes grave...




Bless her she thinks I'm digging a pond!
Don't steal!.... the government hates competition!!!

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1003 Post by SometimesSansEngine » Tue Oct 16, 2018 7:59 pm

My dad always said "the first rule of theatre is to always leave them wanting more".

Great bloke, terrible anaesthetist.

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1004 Post by Tango » Wed Oct 17, 2018 8:02 am

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I feel the need....the need for Speed......Triple

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1005 Post by SometimesSansEngine » Wed Oct 17, 2018 10:03 pm

Today, I saw someone waving and I wasn’t sure whether they were waving at me or at someone behind me.

In other news, I was fired from my lifeguard job.