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Your worst joke!!!


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A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight.

While en route home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.

The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her

in the act.

For £100, the cabby agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom.

The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is

his wife in bed with another man!

The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.

The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money.

HE paid for the Porsche I gave you.

HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.

HE paid for your football season ticket.

HE paid for our house at the lake.

HE paid for your African tour and even the 4 x 4.

HE paid for our country club membership, and he even pays my Credit Card

bill!'

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks

over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do?

The cabby replies, 'I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches a f@@king

cold.’

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I caught a really bad case of the flu in Madrid.

Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.


"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"


The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. When I finally stammered out "h...how does the hotel have their own doctor on call?", he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied:


"Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician."


:seeya:

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Just flicking through the Sky guide and found this .... well before the 9 O’clock watershed.... I will be writing to my MP, although they are probably the star !!

 

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To all you decent men out there these jokes arent aimed at you, just the minority morons who think women shouldnt have equality because men are often physically stronger than women- true caveman logic that is.

I would make a joke about men being generally mentally weaker than women, mens fragility is well reflected in the suicide stats but of course that would be considered in bad taste. Woman bashing however is by some considered fine so this my fine lumps of knuckle dragging neanderthal is for you.


Q. What do a balloon and a man have in common?

A. One small prick ruins them.


Q. Why did god even create men?

A. Because he couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator mow the lawn.


Q. Why does the average woman reportedly want beauty more than brains?

A. Because the average man can see so much better than he thinks.


Q. What do you call a man who’s lost 95% of his intelligence?

A. Divorced

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To all the women out there decent or not this is for you .... enjoy :D



A husband shopping center has just opened in Vilnius where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men.


The store is comprised of six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch.


As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.


So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:


Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last

boyfriend but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.


The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.


The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"


The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.


The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.


The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 You are visitor number 123,456,789,012,345,678 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice day.

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To all the women out there decent or not this is for you .... enjoy :D



A husband shopping center has just opened in Vilnius where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men.


The store is comprised of six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch.


As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.


So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:


Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last

boyfriend but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.


The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.


The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"


The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.


The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.


The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 You are visitor number 123,456,789,012,345,678 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice day.

 

Which floor are you waiting on [mention]Six30[/mention] or do most women choose not to go down to the basement?

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A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland. Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time. Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers. Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.

Dear Maggie,

I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.

Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.

I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.

All my love,

Chris

P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.

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