Your worst joke!!!

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Trumpey
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1246 Post by Trumpey » Sat Apr 20, 2019 10:39 pm

I was thinking of buying a fan for my bedroom today but then I decided not to.
It's hard enough to sleep in this heat without some halfwit standing in the corner cheering me on as well. 8-)

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Six30
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1247 Post by Six30 » Thu Apr 25, 2019 8:23 am

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"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1248 Post by old-timer » Mon Apr 29, 2019 1:20 pm

"Hit me, hit me", begged the masochist.

"No", the sadist replied.
One life, one love, one cylinder...

BMW F650 FUNDURO

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1249 Post by Six30 » Wed May 01, 2019 2:44 pm

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"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Six30
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1250 Post by Six30 » Thu May 02, 2019 3:38 pm

Sheila, the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband Bruce. "Bruce, Bruce!", she yelled. Bruce came running in. 'Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor with my fanny ' she said.

'Crikey!' Bruce said and tried to pull her up. 'You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get Frank.

They came back and they both tried to pull her up. 'No way. We can't do it, let's try Plan B.' Frank said. 'Plan B?' exclaimed Bruce. 'What's that'?

I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we can break the tiles under her and release the vacuum.' replied Frank. 'Spot on' Bruce said. 'While you're doing that, I'll stay here and play with her tits.''

Play with her tits'? Frank said, 'Not exactly a good time for that mate?'

'No' Bruce replied, 'But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive'.
"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1251 Post by OliverMatthews » Sat May 18, 2019 1:51 pm

A guy was walking down the high street past the pet shop when the owner called him in to see the latest new pet sensation.

"It's a talking centipede" he said, "only £20".

The guy wasn't really in the market for a new pet, but on the other hand a talking centipede sounded cool, so finally he bought one, plus its tank, food and toys, for £30. He got home and set it up on the bookshelf. At first he just watched it scuttle around, buy after a while this got boring so he decided to make it talk.

"Hey mate - fancy going out for a pint?"

He waited, but there wasn't a sound. He got more and more angry at the way he'd been conned out of his £30. Eventually he'd had enough - he deiced to give it one more chance before he took it all back to the pet shop to get his £30 back. So he shouted:

"HEY MATE - FANCY GOING OUT FOR A PINT??!!"

Then he heard a small voice saying

"OK, OK, I heard you the first time!. Give me half a chance - I'm just putting my shoes on...

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Six30
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1252 Post by Six30 » Wed May 22, 2019 3:52 pm

Some people would have us believe that no matter what our skin colour, gender or race, we are all the same under the Skin...
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"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1253 Post by Smithers » Wed May 22, 2019 4:08 pm

Two gay cowboys having a chat. One says to the other "yerp" the other one replies "yep" :cheers:
Underneath every ponytail is a horses ass.

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1254 Post by billy sugger » Sat May 25, 2019 3:00 pm

I saw a nun copulating a clown.

I thought it was virgin on the rediculous

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1255 Post by Gerontious » Sat May 25, 2019 3:27 pm

Waterstones.png
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If there's one positive we can take from the Tory leadership campaign, it's that they can always find ways to make things worse.

German Eifel/Luxembourg 2019

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1256 Post by Mr Fro » Sat May 25, 2019 7:58 pm

What's the most popular soup at Jamie Oliver's restaurants?

Adminestrone

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1257 Post by Six30 » Sun May 26, 2019 10:00 am

TMBF mod meeting...
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"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1258 Post by Stu » Sun May 26, 2019 12:54 pm

Six30 wrote:
Sun May 26, 2019 10:00 am
TMBF mod meeting...
Yup

Still can't see you there though six :mrgreen:
Don't steal!.... the government hates competition!!!

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Six30
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1259 Post by Six30 » Sun May 26, 2019 1:01 pm

Stu wrote:
Sun May 26, 2019 12:54 pm
Six30 wrote:
Sun May 26, 2019 10:00 am
TMBF mod meeting...
Yup

Still can't see you there though six :mrgreen:

Someone’s got to take the photo :D
"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1260 Post by Stu » Sun May 26, 2019 1:09 pm

Six30 wrote:
Sun May 26, 2019 1:01 pm
Stu wrote:
Sun May 26, 2019 12:54 pm
Six30 wrote:
Sun May 26, 2019 10:00 am
TMBF mod meeting...
Yup

Still can't see you there though six :mrgreen:

Someone’s got to take the photo :D
:lol: good come back!
Don't steal!.... the government hates competition!!!