Your worst joke!!!

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gogs01
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1051 Post by gogs01 » Tue Dec 11, 2018 12:44 pm

geofferz wrote:
Tue Dec 11, 2018 7:34 am
A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland. Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time. Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers. Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.
Dear Maggie,
I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
All my love,
Chris
P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.
Is there a sequel - did they marry and live happily ever after ? :lol:

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1052 Post by SometimesSansEngine » Tue Dec 11, 2018 7:46 pm

For our mods @Stu @Hoggs @rennie @Tango :thumb:
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1053 Post by Six30 » Mon Dec 17, 2018 2:48 pm

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency. Social workers there, raise doubts about the living conditions in a circus, but the couple produce photos of their 50-foot luxury motor home, which is clean and well-maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers also raise concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care. "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."

Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment. "Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare and diet."

The social workers are finally satisfied and ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"















It doesn't really matter , as long as the kid fits in the cannon.
"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1054 Post by Six30 » Tue Dec 18, 2018 8:02 pm

..
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"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Joeman
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1055 Post by Joeman » Wed Dec 19, 2018 8:56 am

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Six30
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1056 Post by Six30 » Wed Dec 19, 2018 11:13 am

...
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"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Stu
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1057 Post by Stu » Wed Dec 19, 2018 5:59 pm

48370576_10218042612523567_8986804293298290688_n.jpg
Not sure on the make up and purse but the last bit is true :lol:
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Don't steal!.... the government hates competition!!!

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1058 Post by Mickly » Wed Dec 19, 2018 6:25 pm

Brilliant, I’ve nicked it and sent it on.
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1059 Post by Via » Fri Dec 21, 2018 12:21 am

Got a nice picture of Gatwick today
IMG_20181221_001850.jpg
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Hoggs wrote:
Fri Jul 27, 2018 7:21 pm
I agree totally with @Slowlycatchymonkey

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1060 Post by Six30 » Fri Dec 21, 2018 7:43 am

...
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"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Tango
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1061 Post by Tango » Fri Dec 21, 2018 5:40 pm

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I feel the need....the need for Speed......Triple

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Tango
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1062 Post by Tango » Fri Dec 21, 2018 5:43 pm

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I feel the need....the need for Speed......Triple

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Tango
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1063 Post by Tango » Fri Dec 21, 2018 11:37 pm

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I feel the need....the need for Speed......Triple

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1064 Post by goat » Sat Dec 22, 2018 8:05 am

@Tango are you working at a Christmas cracker factory at the moment?
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Tango
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1065 Post by Tango » Sat Dec 22, 2018 9:31 am

goat wrote:
Sat Dec 22, 2018 8:05 am
@Tango are you working at a Christmas cracker factory at the moment?
Dad jokes, mate.....my kids love 'em..... :wink: :lol: :lol:
I feel the need....the need for Speed......Triple