California EV: Guzzi tales pt.1

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Some things you love because they embody everything that is good in this world; they make you feel whole, they make you feel warm and fuzzy.

But some things are like an abusive relationship where it doesn't seem to matter how many times a staple-gun is taken to your privates you have to keep going back.

In life it is rare that a single person can be held to blame for everything that went wrong. In this case, not only can he but I know his name: Matthew Clancy.

In a roundabout way he ably destroyed my XJ900F. Motorcycle City Croydon then offered to take my XJ (sight-unseen) for far more than I would have got from selling it. All that was left was to decide on the make and model I'd get - it would be the first ever new thing I'd ever had.

I'd loved Guzzis since being overtaken by one every morning on the way to school. The Cali was receiving rave reviews in the press.

"Goes and handles like a road bike, comfort and style of a custom", they said.

"Over 50 upgrades from the previous model including improved finish, suspension and electrics", they said.

Piffle. There may have been changes but they didn't drag the Italian into the 20th Century.

I didn't care. Summer arrived and with it came a shiny red EV on the back of a flatbed. Forms signed, shitheap XJ loaded up and off they went - leaving me beaming from ear to ear, happier than something which oinks in a pool of wet and smelly stuff.

This delightful situation changed quicker than a superhero in a phone box. Firstly, it was impossible to order the screen, panniers or anything else for the bike. Guzzi didn't believe it was important to send anything other than Friday bikes to the UK.

Motorcycle City knew nothing of Guzzis which lent little in the way of confidence as I started arguing over the ever-growing catalogue of things which fell off, stopped working or corroded before summer could set.

Three Cross were the importers and met each phone call with the weary sigh of people who've heard it all a million times before.

That morning.

I had blazing rows in Motorcycle City Tottenham and Croydon, heated phone calls to Italy and solicitors letters before, finally, 3X agreed to swap my EV for anything of similar value in their showroom. I took a Tiger900.

I'd covered 6,000ish miles during a three month summer period in 1998. I had a tyre rubbing on the shaft housing, no oil in the shaft, most bolts no torqued or threadlocked. If something had originally had chrome it wasn't there now. Two sets of floorboards as they had corroded that quickly.

And the seat.

It could induce pain from simply looking at it. Anything over 50 miles reduced the rider to tears.

I was left with a feeling that Guzzi were clueless, had no idea of quality control or customer service and that only a total bloody fool would ever consider owning one of these things.

"It's not Guzzi's fault officer, it loves me it does an I loves it an I'll never press charges. Not never."

"...but you could go nightstick the Clancy boy if you fancy?!"

Is there a pt. 2?

Doesn't look like it. To anyone reading this it will just confirm all the old prejudices about Moto Guzzi. I recognise the Friday bike quip, the chrome story. I understand the lack of interest at the dealer. I don't recall a snipe at the electrics but I could have missed it.

But I have a Cali 1100 from back in mid 90s. It has lived outside for 6 years with minimal maintenance, has always started on what looks suspiciously like the original battery, the chrome is all intact and the heavy old beast is a superb bike. It takes strength and determination to flick it through corners but it will cruise all day at motorway speeds sounding just like the over-grown lawnmower that it is.

My point is. Condemn a dealer or a factory, but the bike is a Guzzi and special with it. Marmite to many.

Is there a pt. 2?

Doesn't look like it.

 

Try looking a little harder. Probably not worth it though as you won’t enjoy that one either.