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I mentioned one of my colleagues in Goat's Phobias thread......Frank, the ex Para who's afraid of heights. Frank is about 5'6" tall and about the same wide, and it's difficult to tell where his neck ends and his shaved head starts.... :shock: He's not a young man any more, but a couple of years ago he was confronted by a mugger in London, so Frank looked the mugger in the eye and said in his South London drawl "Do I look like a f*ckin victim to you?"..... The mugger ran away..... :lol: When he first joined our company one of my other colleagues visited a customer that Frank had been to a week or two earlier. The customer said to my other colleague " We met your new engineer, Frank, the other week......We didn't know whether we should throw a net over him or just run away!"

Frank is a lovely old fella.....but I suspect it's best not to get on the wrong side of him.... :wink: :lol:


Anyway.....I'm sure some of you have stories about some of the characters you've met or still know?...... 8-)

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Was at a barbeque at my cousins. one of his mates starts telling a story.

He'd popped into town to do some errands, parked up and got out the car, got maybe 6 or 7 steps away when suddenly a voice calls out "this your car?" he turns around and it's a smug looking traffic warden. Yeah that's my car, he calmly replied.

You've parked in a disabled spot, the beady eyed warden says, globuels of spit forming at the sides if his mouth, you don't look disabled.

With this the mate slowly rolls his trouser leg up, detaches his prosthetic leg and waves it above his head whilst shouting AM I DISABLED ENOUGH FOR YOU NOW.


I don't care how true it was, the reenactment was bloody hillarious :lol:

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My stag do. Best part of 20 yrs ago.


In ostend in Belgium on the Friday night. We've been supping since Thursday dinnertime. About 20 of us. Well oiled....

In this bar/club. Having a wonderful time. My mates behind the dj decks telling him what to play etc.

Bar owner loving us. Spending all our hard earned.


Anyway. Bit of a commotion goes on involving some of us.

Turns out the local yoofs have approached the 2 black lads on the trip trying to buy dope.....

Now. Tone one of the boys in question is one big black man. Muscles on muscles.

He's taken offence at this....lol. giving it cos I'm black etc taking the piss.

More locals get involved ha ha ha ha.

Long story short. Inevitable handbags occur.

Police arrive :lol:

Ofcourse we are the ones escorted from the premises and lined up against the wall.


So they start with the questions. Pissed from Yorkshire taking to us in french/german/Flemish was never going to result in a meeting of minds. (They couldn't understand our accents when they tried with English)


Anyway they start going on and on at Tone.

Tone has a strong black west yorkshire accent. They couldn't understand a word. He couldn't understand a word they were saying and everyone's getting agitated. The sergeant turns up.

All thinking night in cells time :crybaby:


He has a go. Tone has now gone into west Indies accent (never been in his life. Was born in Huddersfield lol)


They are clearly very very annoyed now.....

But also clearly do not know what to do. No one's really done owt.

Tone is now attempting to speak french :lol: he can't speak french.....


Big police van turns up... Here we go...

Sergeant turns round full of exasperation in perfect English says "I've had enough of you all. Get in van. Where you stopping? Take you home. You stay there. No more drink"

Very suspicious at this. But to be fair we had no choice but to pile in. They had guns.....lol. Sat on each other's laps as not enough seats.


Anyway true to their word. Take us back to the hotel.

Make sure we all enter and say "We park here to make sure you stay"


Milling about the foyer....

Tone. Turns round with the immortal words "I wish they'd Xxxx off so I can nip out for a spliff" :cheers:

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  • 1 month later...

when i lived on the isle of sheppey i was good friends with a cage fighter. You could punch him in the head as hard as you want and he wouldnt flinch yet he was petrified of cotton wool.

He wouldnt even walk past it in the shop. absolutely phobic.

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