Modern education

I got suspended for a week for almost exactly the same thing!

I did tell her she was a bigot as well though

When I was 16 I got sent home from school for taking an open can of coke into the school office to drop something off.

Deputy head told me to put it in the bin, I said "but it's full, it will make a mess" he shouted "bin it" so I held it over the bin, turned it upside down and poured the coke into the bin before dropping the empty can. Obviously he went mental and sent me home.

So i didnt go home I went back to class. He came in, saw me there and shouted at me to go home. I said I thought he was joking which put him into a rage. Apparently he didn't joke.. lol

So as I was leaving, one of my mates said "Joe, can you stop off at the bike shop and buy me a new headlight bulb?" To which I replied "yeah no worries I've got the day off so I'm going for a ride anyway"

Well this just made the deputy head even more angry and he yelled "youve not got a day off to go riding, you're being sent home"...

Then he just bellowed some more and I left sniggering...

I pulled a wheelie across the school playground on the way out on my DT50MX and went straight to the bike shop to buy my mate a lightbulb.

Happy days...

Deputy head hated me as he tought me AS maths and I kept asking stupid questions. I also hacked his computer network and left a message saying "Joe woz ere" where I knew he would find it..

I had the cane twice for throwing a florescent tube out school bus window at another school gang who our school bus had to drive thro to get to ours. 2an time after watching bevally hills cop 11 where you put chewing gum tin foil on the wire conrctors So you can open top deck emergency window . Didn't know the window on this bus went down not push up like we thought it pulled me out the bus window hit the downstairs back window right in front of a teacher in the car behind the bus .. .

Some great work here and I thought you were all choir boys

[mention]Joeman[/mention] How did that years report go down with the parentals?!

[mention]BIKERDAD[/mention] What happened? Were the teachers too shocked to punish you or did they go for it big styley?

[mention]Six30[/mention] Come on I swear if anyone can top this stuff it would be you, don’t let us down.

there was a teacher called Mr Sparks , well not so much a teacher he helped the teachers who ran the metal work and woodwork classes.. he had one massive shoe/boot cause he had one leg shorter than the other... any way he had a pushbike that folded in half and he used to keep it in corner of metal work class until he went home . Don’t know where the metal work teacher went but it was enough time to get a hacksaw and cut through frame of his bike , not right through but near enough so it would still unfold then fall in to two bits .... never saw the results of my work but heard about it , he wasn’t happy ... he was actually he was a nice chap ..... the best but I never got caught .

there was a teacher called Mr Sparks , well not so much a teacher he helped the teachers who ran the metal work and woodwork classes.. he had one massive shoe/boot cause he had one leg shorter than the other... any way he had a pushbike that folded in half and he used to keep it in corner of metal work class until he went home . Don’t know where the metal work teacher went but it was enough time to get a hacksaw and cut through frame of his bike , not right through but near enough so it would still unfold then fall in to two bits .... never saw the results of my work but heard about it , he wasn’t happy ... he was actually he was a nice chap ..... the best but I never got caught .

Yep that’s a definite top spot contender. I particularly like the hinting at remorse but with no actual remorse, we may have a winner here

My head of year was an arse. He didn't like me as while I was quiet and generally did fine, because I hung out with some trouble makers I was punished by proxy. Detentions and grief when they did anything, but was very fixated on me. Others who were more involved would be let off, he was absolutely convinced. So in the end I decided if I was going to be punished either way, I may as well have fun.

I sneaked into the science teachers lounge during an hour they were all out teaching, stole the chemical stores key, using a 5 litre tub and partially filled it with various acids I then mixed with regular water but not enough that entire containers were going missing so no one would notice. I hid this in some overgrown bushes near the science labs.

Then after school, avoiding the CCTV cameras I went onto the rear school field and marked out a 25 foot high sketch, which would be visible to the most possible people. I then carefully poured this cocktail in a thin line along the markings i'd made.

And about 2 days later the grass yellowed revealing the sketch. A bit blotchy in areas, but most definitely a set of cock and balls.

Our deputy head was retired early due to dementia. Poor bloke had taught at the school all his life, and kept coming in thinking he was still employed. One time he turned up in what used to be his geography class, demanding to know why the French teacher was in there instead. We all said "She's gone mad sir - we kept telling her it should be geography now but she won't listen." Then we sat back and watched the utter chaos as he tried to have her forcibly removed from the classroom.

The bus driver refused to drive the bus the rest of the way to the school . I got a lift i did in the teachers car and dragged by the coller across the school car park right in to the headmaster office .the head was a mad bast*rd mad morgan we called him .. as the teacher told him what I did his face was going redder and redder i thought his head was going to pop like a vulcano .. then i got the cane across my arse an tops my legs . God it bloody hurt.. that was in 83 ..84 .. . The 1st Time I had the cane which was for the light bulb thing I was grassed up by a girl who didint know my name just that I was called.scotty from form 1. The only kid named Scot was in form 2 .. the head called out the names of all the boys he wanted in his office soon as he said Scotty form 1 the whole assembly turned and looked at me .. Scotty as Scottish not named Scot .. I was the last in line for the cane 6 or 7 others in there i was shiting my pants as he was working his way along the line to me odd thing i was so worked up time got to me it hurt but not like the 2an time . .

I never got canned .... I was far to cunning .

Got the slipper at primary school , must of only been 6 , it was totally unjust , I only got caught smoking behind the old air raid shelters .

I electrocuted my deputy head in sixth form.

I took a disposable camera apart and made a crude stun gun. I also wrapped it in wires so when you threw it at someone and said "hey catch" they would get a shock..

The deputy head caught me doing it (due to loud swearing screams in the corridor) and demanded I hand it over to him. I tried to explain, but he just wouldn't listen. Eventually he said "ok, well take the battery out and hand it to me..."

Again I tried to explain that the huge capacitor was still charged up and taking the battery out made no difference, but he thought I was lying. So I took the battery out and handed him the device, and just waited....

I have honestly never seen a grown man react like he did as he took a massive shock to the hand, did some wierd dance and dropped the camera with a whole load of sixth form lads in hysterics at him...

I was in a bit of trouble for that .. lol

TLDR- Rarely attended and got away with all of it.

I did not like school. Starting secondary school my father sat me down and gave me the usual advice about how important it was to create the right first impression with all my new teachers. He then explained once they formed the impression I was a good girl if I stayed under the radar I would get away with most things “Let the first few idiots stick their heads above the parapet, the trouble maker slots will be filled and if you get caught doing something it won’t be your fault, generally someone else will be viewed as the bad influence”

I followed this advice and then truanted continually only turning up a maximum of half the week without getting caught or my parents finding out. I was too busy drinking, smoking, partying and doing anything else fun that came my way.

My school reports were excellent- polite, good grades, sets a good example for others etc

Then in last year I pushed it too far, turned up for only one French lesson that term- she was awful, couldn’t speak French and the class was completely out of control. They rang my mum, I got home and she was apoplectic so I did the default childish thing and said it wasn’t true.

Went into school the next day with nothing to lose and asked to speak to my head of year. I went for it, I was furious, how dare they ring and speak to my mother bothering her without even speaking to me first, of course I’d been there. I demanded to see the register showing I wasn’t there (I knew she was slack and it was worth a shot) but they wouldn’t show me the register. I said ok but you have to check, ask to see her register and if she’s even filled it in I’ll be there, she has know idea who anyone is, I expect my mother to receive a phone call apologising for upsetting her over nothing. Got home from school and my mother said I had a phone call today apologising profusely for bothering me and there had been a mistake.

Unfortunately I did such a good job on the character assassination they removed her so I had to attend.

Feel a bit bad about that one. Not the truancy though I had a lot of fun and you can’t turn over a new leaf if you weren’t bad enough in the first place.

The funny thing is that despite spending five years at a high school with a reputation for being the roughest in the area, I can't really remember anything that bad happening.

There was loads of stupid petty stuff that went on, like chucking the Winchester through the plate glass window of the upstairs computer room (this was the 1980s for anyone wondering what the f*ck a Winchester is) or leaving the fire hoses turned on in the less-frequented parts of the building so that the first anybody knew about it was when water came cascading down the stairs, but then just as much of the bad behaviour came from the teachers. We used to be left completely unsupervised when we went swimming because the two teachers who took us would nip off for a quick length in the changing room, and another of the teachers used to drive the minibus pissed: we watched out of a classroom window once as he was bringing a load of kids back from a sports day. He mounted the kerb at the far end of the car park and knocked a lamppost down.

We did torch a teachers car once (not me personally - some lads in my year). She kept an old jerry can of petrol in the back because the fuel gauge didn't work, and one morning she got in it to find that it had fallen over and leaked its entire contents into the carpet. She drove in with the windows down, and left it on the staff car park with the boot open to get rid of the fumes. Naturally someone tossed a match in and up it went. If I remember correctly, she was actually quite pleased.

The funny thing is that despite spending five years at a high school with a reputation for being the roughest in the area, I can't really remember anything that bad happening.

There was loads of stupid petty stuff that went on, like chucking the Winchester through the plate glass window of the upstairs computer room (this was the 1980s for anyone wondering what the f*ck a Winchester is) or leaving the fire hoses turned on in the less-frequented parts of the building so that the first anybody knew about it was when water came cascading down the stairs, but then just as much of the bad behaviour came from the teachers. We used to be left completely unsupervised when we went swimming because the two teachers who took us would nip off for a quick length in the changing room, and another of the teachers used to drive the minibus pissed: we watched out of a classroom window once as he was bringing a load of kids back from a sports day. He mounted the kerb at the far end of the car park and knocked a lamppost down.

We did torch a teachers car once (not me personally - some lads in my year). She kept an old jerry can of petrol in the back because the fuel gauge didn't work, and one morning she got in it to find that it had fallen over and leaked its entire contents into the carpet. She drove in with the windows down, and left it on the staff car park with the boot open to get rid of the fumes. Naturally someone tossed a match in and up it went. If I remember correctly, she was actually quite pleased.

By “that bad” I assume you mean no-one died?!

I can't claim this but your talk of the car reminded me of a favourite story from sixth form:

On one of the more popular teacher's last day (one of those teachers who was always firm but fair and always up for a laugh) some of the sixth formers in my year decided to decorate his car. Squirty cream, covering it in cling film etc

All good honest fun.

Until it was realised that the headteacher owned the same car and they'd customised the wrong one.

Edited: and they had videoed it for posterity using a camcorder

Two boys burnt down a wing of my school. They probably would have got away with it if they hadn’t used their least favourite teacher desk as a toilet up til then everyone assumed it was an accident. It was great we had weeks off school.

They landed in Borstal for it (I don’t think they were officially called Borstal by then but the term stuck) and years later one of them reappeared which caused great fear, excitement and feather ruffling. They didn’t stay and we all went back to sleep.

By “that bad” I assume you mean no-one died?!

No, I don't think anyone died when I was there, although I did hear that two lads in our year died of heroin overdoses a couple of years after leaving. No idea if it's true or not - I haven't given a toss about any of them in over 30 years.

Well, that's not strictly true: I did give a toss about my best friend, but he's dead too (bike accident), and there was a girl from my year that I used to go out with when we were in our very early 20s. We were at her house on Sunday in fact - she gets on like a house on fire with my wife. To be honest, everyone gets on with my wife - it's me they find more of an acquired taste!

By “that bad” I assume you mean no-one died?!

 

No, I don't think anyone died when I was there, although I did hear that two lads in our year died of heroin overdoses a couple of years after leaving. No idea if it's true or not - I haven't given a toss about any of them in over 30 years.

Well, that's not strictly true: I did give a toss about my best friend, but he's dead too (bike accident), and there was a girl from my year that I used to go out with when we were in our very early 20s. We were at her house on Sunday in fact - she gets on like a house on fire with my wife. To be honest, everyone gets on with my wife - it's me they find more of an acquired taste!

So you married a woman who makes you palatable, acceptable and accessible to others and didn’t have to alter your approach at all? Most wise.

By “that bad” I assume you mean no-one died?!

 

No, I don't think anyone died when I was there, although I did hear that two lads in our year died of heroin overdoses a couple of years after leaving. No idea if it's true or not - I haven't given a toss about any of them in over 30 years.

Well, that's not strictly true: I did give a toss about my best friend, but he's dead too (bike accident), and there was a girl from my year that I used to go out with when we were in our very early 20s. We were at her house on Sunday in fact - she gets on like a house on fire with my wife. To be honest, everyone gets on with my wife - it's me they find more of an acquired taste!

Any pics of your ex and the wife getting on like a house on fire

By “that bad” I assume you mean no-one died?!

 

No, I don't think anyone died when I was there, although I did hear that two lads in our year died of heroin overdoses a couple of years after leaving. No idea if it's true or not - I haven't given a toss about any of them in over 30 years.

Well, that's not strictly true: I did give a toss about my best friend, but he's dead too (bike accident), and there was a girl from my year that I used to go out with when we were in our very early 20s. We were at her house on Sunday in fact - she gets on like a house on fire with my wife. To be honest, everyone gets on with my wife - it's me they find more of an acquired taste!

 

So you married a woman who makes you palatable, acceptable and accessible to others and didn’t have to alter your approach at all? Most wise.

Nope, I married the only woman daft enough to take the job on!

My wife just has a very natural way with people and gets on with almost anyone, which if I'm being honest I do envy. I am fundamentally and irrevocably disinterested in other people at the most basic level. I am pathologically incapable of small talk and invariably say something totally inappropriate, either through clumsiness or just to liven things up a bit.

I was invited to someone's house a couple of years ago, and one of the other guests specifically asked if I would be there before making her excuses. I'd only met her once before, at a sophisticated little soirée thrown by the same friend, and had written her off after less than ten minutes as an insufferably tedious, emotionally unstable and self-absorbed drip. She was wittering on endlessly about how stressed out and highly-strung she was, and that despite seeing various therapists and counsellors she hadn't found anything to reduce the symptoms. I nodded in mock interest as I sipped my wine, and then said "Have you tried frenzied masturbation?" She left shortly after that. Job done.

Maybe she just thought she had better give it a try.

Any pics of your ex and the wife getting on like a house on fire

Here you go:

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Any pics of your ex and the wife getting on like a house on fire

 

Here you go:

IMG_1541.JPG

Ghgfgbnjdd gyuhgf fghjkghjh ffbhjj hhjjnhhu - Sorry, just wiping the keyboard...

......Does that bring this thread to a natural end????.............or.........?

Any pics of your ex and the wife getting on like a house on fire

 

Here you go:

IMG_1541.JPG

Ghgfgbnjdd gyuhgf fghjkghjh ffbhjj hhjjnhhu - Sorry, just wiping the keyboard...

You lucky lucky man ... now where's me w**k sock .

Sounds far more like you have a low tolerance for the dull/stupid/self absorbed and your wife is a tolerant maybe empathic soul. Lucky you.

Someone very dear to me is exactly the same and people who like to mix it up a bit are always infinitely more entertaining.

A quick slice through the attempt to draw you into the “poor me” routine was probably the easiest way to get some entertainment and say “go away” otherwise you would use the same line everyone else uses “excuse me a moment” and never go back!

I reckon you have the same non-conformist approach for swiftly separating the wheat from the chaff leaving only the people you might be bothered with standing.

The bit I don’t get is that you must like to socialise cos he (the someone dear to me) won’t agree to go to these doos in the first place.

I now get why your ex fancies your wife.