Your worst joke!!!

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Bender
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1036 Post by Bender » Sat Nov 24, 2018 7:22 pm

Six30 wrote:
Sat Nov 24, 2018 6:47 pm
...
Good job he didn't mention mohamad he would have been fooked
Bite my shiny, metal ass!

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Mickly
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1037 Post by Mickly » Fri Nov 30, 2018 7:35 pm

Just flicking through the Sky guide and found this .... well before the 9 O’clock watershed.... I will be writing to my MP, although they are probably the star !!
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2019 challenge points
Pubs: 9/10 - 90
Dealerships: 9/10 - 90
West Midlands: 6/12 - 60

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1038 Post by Joeman » Sun Dec 02, 2018 7:31 am

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SometimesSansEngine
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1039 Post by SometimesSansEngine » Thu Dec 06, 2018 7:25 pm

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Six30
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1040 Post by Six30 » Sat Dec 08, 2018 9:38 am

...
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"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1041 Post by Tango » Sat Dec 08, 2018 11:40 am

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I feel the need....the need for Speed......Triple

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Slowlycatchymonkey
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1042 Post by Slowlycatchymonkey » Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:30 pm

To all you decent men out there these jokes arent aimed at you, just the minority morons who think women shouldnt have equality because men are often physically stronger than women- true caveman logic that is.
I would make a joke about men being generally mentally weaker than women, mens fragility is well reflected in the suicide stats but of course that would be considered in bad taste. Woman bashing however is by some considered fine so this my fine lumps of knuckle dragging neanderthal is for you.

Q. What do a balloon and a man have in common?
A. One small prick ruins them.

Q. Why did god even create men?
A. Because he couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator mow the lawn.

Q. Why does the average woman reportedly want beauty more than brains?
A. Because the average man can see so much better than he thinks.

Q. What do you call a man who’s lost 95% of his intelligence?
A. Divorced
2018 BMW R nineT
“It’s shit. And as soon as I get home I’m going to buy one.”
That was a fellow journalist’s first impression of the BMW R nineT recently. It’s a pretty accurate summary; the R nineT is somewhat ill-mannered by modern motorcycle standards but also instantly, inarguably, infatuatingly wonderful.

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Six30
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1043 Post by Six30 » Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:34 pm

To all the women out there decent or not this is for you .... enjoy :D


A husband shopping center has just opened in Vilnius where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men.

The store is comprised of six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch.

As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last
boyfriend but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 You are visitor number 123,456,789,012,345,678 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice day.
"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1044 Post by Slowlycatchymonkey » Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:40 pm

Six30 wrote:
Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:34 pm
To all the women out there decent or not this is for you .... enjoy :D


A husband shopping center has just opened in Vilnius where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men.

The store is comprised of six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch.

As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last
boyfriend but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 You are visitor number 123,456,789,012,345,678 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice day.
Which floor are you waiting on @Six30 or do most women choose not to go down to the basement?
2018 BMW R nineT
“It’s shit. And as soon as I get home I’m going to buy one.”
That was a fellow journalist’s first impression of the BMW R nineT recently. It’s a pretty accurate summary; the R nineT is somewhat ill-mannered by modern motorcycle standards but also instantly, inarguably, infatuatingly wonderful.

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1045 Post by Six30 » Sat Dec 08, 2018 1:30 pm

Yeh I am in the basement , a few come down ... they don’t come back out though .
"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1046 Post by Via » Sat Dec 08, 2018 2:24 pm

Slowlycatchymonkey wrote:
Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:30 pm
Q. What do you call a man who’s lost 95% of his intelligence money?
A. Divorced
Fixed it for you :thumb:
Hoggs wrote:
Fri Jul 27, 2018 7:21 pm
I agree totally with @Slowlycatchymonkey

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1047 Post by Bhawk » Sun Dec 09, 2018 3:27 am

A few more
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1048 Post by Bhawk » Sun Dec 09, 2018 3:38 am

Quick question, how dark is too dark for this forum, I have some amazing, if evil, memes haha
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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1049 Post by Six30 » Sun Dec 09, 2018 9:49 am

...
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"People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."

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Re: Your worst joke!!!

#1050 Post by geofferz » Tue Dec 11, 2018 7:34 am

A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland. Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time. Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers. Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.
Dear Maggie,
I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
All my love,
Chris
P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.
Spanker of cyclists' arses