Nob of the Day.......

^^^^^^

Yuk

Yep I looked oh so classy

The Volvo estate that decided to jump the lights by going on the wrong side of the road and squeeze me into a bus. Fortunately everybody was going less 10 mph and no damage occurred. I didn't even get a chance to remonstrate as the Volvo disappeared up a side road. Some people are so impatient.

They’ll get their comeuppance, people like that don’t have long. Glad you squeezed through unscathed.

Me today had a nice little trundle about the place and pulled up at the lights, a guy pulled along side me and says “that looks amazing, I love it, it just looks great” I reply “aah thanks” and we have a brief exchange about the bike before the lights change. I’m feeling a little buoyed up by his enthusiasm and this lovely little encounter when for the first time in donkeys I go to pull away and stall my bike in first so violently that for a brief moment I thought it’s going down, this didn’t concern me for long though as the force of the stall catapulted a huge amount of snot out of my nose over my face.... I’m not sure which one of us was more horrified.... not feeling so cool now eh!

I had a hospital appointment yesterday for an operation on my left nostril as its blocked with the skin that supposed to be up the middle of my nose so the doc sprayed this gunk up both my nostrils by pushing this reversed twesers and then shoved this small long straw like camara up each side to which all the snot and greens that was up(there for at least 10 years ) the left side decided to sneeze out (it was so dam ticklish) so over his hand my chin the camera down my T shirt it went . So yea I feel you on that one ..

[mention]BIKERDAD[/mention] Nice one You score higher for getting it on someone else but lower for it not being your fault. Hope the schnoz is doing all right now. The human body is such an unpredictable uncivilised thing!

eeewwww less snot talk

eeewwww less snot talk

Aaw common’ what’s snot to like?

Ok that’s such a low bar it wouldn’t even get into a cracker. I’m off to watch the BBC’s Dynasties lion programme and see if that lion holds onto his danglies or if the pack of hyenas get him.... hmm it sounds like a forum

Young kid (10 or 11ish) riding around on bicycle in the dark, only light he had was a flashing red light on his front so in the dark you think he's heading away from you but no he's heading towards you

WOW he's got a light on

Young kid (10 or 11ish) riding around on bicycle in the dark, only light he had was a flashing red light on his front so in the dark you think he's heading away from you but no he's heading towards you

As I've said before, hopefully won't be around long enough to pollute the gene pool....

Like the pillock last night cycling in the dark with no rear light, but he had a front light with the brilliance of a thousand suns.

A three way tie, all within about five seconds of each other and about 200 metres from home.

It was going to be the car that flew across the road on a blind bend right across the path

But then there was the cat in the junction that suddenly stopped crossing and stared at me

But then there was the stone on entry to the junction that made my back wheel step out as I was trying to work out what the cat was going to do

Then the cat ran in front of my front wheel but luckily as I'd had to slow for the car at the start got clear

So all in all, probably the cat.

A bit of me, a bit of the other person.

I think I left my nice winter gloves by my bike this morning.

Hoped the kindness of fellow bikers meant they'd still be there.

Nope

Like the pillock last night cycling in the dark with no rear light, but he had a front light with the brilliance of a thousand suns.

I ride a push bike but these c**ts just annoy me . The idea of a front light on a bike , in an urban environment at least, is to be seen.It's not to blind everyone in your path to the point where nobody can tell where you are. Utter tossers . These are the same idiots who get into their Lycra shorts twice a day to cycle a few miles to work and back . Oh yeah, most decent bike lights, including mine, have a dimmer function that saves power but these inconsiderate ar*eholes obviously choose not to use it .

Todays nob is idiot women on a bicycle. Footpath closed for works and diverted on to the now closed cycle lane with a big sign telling the idiots to dismount. I'm walking along and this daft women on a bicycle decides not to dismount and to try and cycle past me. She is of course an idiot so completely misjudges the gap and cycles into me. Hits my right arm and bounces off in to the side of a parked roadworks lorry. Roadworker has a go at her and I might of called her a f****** stupid c****** b****.

A cyclist...

So there I am driving a safe distance behind a slow moving cyclist on a country road approaching a slight left hand bend, knowing the road straightens out I move to right to extend my vision before accelerating or overtaking.

The cyclist swerves to the right and puts right hand out. He looks like he's heading towards a drive/ track, believing he is turning of to the right I move back to the left. Given his idiotic first move I decided to wait until he had cleared the road before accelerating, as I do he swerves to the left back in front of me.

His right hand still out but now waving me passed...

Todays nob is idiot women on a bicycle. Footpath closed for works and diverted on to the now closed cycle lane with a big sign telling the idiots to dismount. I'm walking along and this daft women on a bicycle decides not to dismount and to try and cycle past me. She is of course an idiot so completely misjudges the gap and cycles into me. Hits my right arm and bounces off in to the side of a parked roadworks lorry. Roadworker has a go at her and I might of called her a f****** stupid c****** b****.

Glad she bounced off you rather than causing you a serious injury. My friends arm and leg was a right state after a cyclist on a shared pavement/cycle path mowed into her and then quickly cycled off- leaving her in the gutter in a ripped nurses uniform

Some people ay.

On the up side the you tube classic of Sesame Street you posted are as good as a fish tank

A cyclist...

So there I am driving a safe distance behind a slow moving cyclist on a country road approaching a slight left hand bend, knowing the road straightens out I move to right to extend my vision before accelerating or overtaking.

The cyclist swerves to the right and puts right hand out. He looks like he's heading towards a drive/ track, believing he is turning of to the right I move back to the left. Given his idiotic first move I decided to wait until he had cleared the road before accelerating, as I do he swerves to the left back in front of me.

His right hand still out but now waving me passed...

Sounds like you neglected your Darwinian duty on natural selection

On Motorway, car comes down slip, car infront slows to let car out. Car on slip slows too, I'm already backing way off, car on slip slows, car on motorway slows, I'm unable to get into another lane, the car infront comes to a complete stop on the motorway, car on slip stops, they both sit there looking at each other, at this point I have hand firmly on the horn (easy six), 3 people in car stopped on motorway all turn round to see what commotion is about. I get passed and can still see car stopped, who the f**k stops on a motorway to let some one out

On Motorway, car comes down slip, car infront slows to let car out. Car on slip slows too, I'm already backing way off, car on slip slows, car on motorway slows, I'm unable to get into another lane, the car infront comes to a complete stop on the motorway, car on slip stops, they both sit there looking at each other, at this point I have hand firmly on the horn (easy six), 3 people in car stopped on motorway all turn round to see what commotion is about. I get passed and can still see car stopped, who the f**k stops on a motorway to let some one out

Answer: Someone who will at some point cause a fu*kmongous pile up with multiple fatalities, that's who.

On Motorway, car comes down slip, car infront slows to let car out. Car on slip slows too, I'm already backing way off, car on slip slows, car on motorway slows, I'm unable to get into another lane, the car infront comes to a complete stop on the motorway, car on slip stops, they both sit there looking at each other, at this point I have hand firmly on the horn (easy six), 3 people in car stopped on motorway all turn round to see what commotion is about. I get passed and can still see car stopped, who the f**k stops on a motorway to let some one out

That moment where you realise the person in front of you is doing something so stupid you might die is one of the wierdest feelings you can get.

Death by stupidity it’s not the way to go Is it, glad you’re unscathed, that’s definitely a brown trouser moment.

Did you get a look at their face and was it that clueless look of a total moron or were they at least red faced and realising their monumental idiocy?

On Motorway, car comes down slip, car infront slows to let car out. Car on slip slows too, I'm already backing way off, car on slip slows, car on motorway slows, I'm unable to get into another lane, the car infront comes to a complete stop on the motorway, car on slip stops, they both sit there looking at each other, at this point I have hand firmly on the horn (easy six), 3 people in car stopped on motorway all turn round to see what commotion is about. I get passed and can still see car stopped, who the f**k stops on a motorway to let some one out

 

That moment where you realise the person in front of you is doing something so stupid you might die is one of the wierdest feelings you can get.

Death by stupidity it’s not the way to go Is it, glad you’re unscathed, that’s definitely a brown trouser moment.

Did you get a look at their face and was it that clueless look of a total moron or were they at least red faced and realising their monumental idiocy?

I see this on the M23 Gatwick junction often. Left hand lane is Gatwick turn off only and I often see people stationary in the middle lane indicating for Gatwick, usually a late made decision.

I was on the M25 the other day, queuing to come off to the A2, long line of traffic, and on the slip road where you start seeing the slip road and lane 1 divide (and you start seeing the barrier) I was in the queue and cars had stoped stationary there and queued in lane 1.

Nutjobs. I feel for lorry drivers who have a hard time stopping/avoiding these buffoons.

[mention]Slowlycatchymonkey[/mention]

Didn't get a good look was to busy picking a gap, was in the wife's car and off to buy a dash cam for her today, didn't even think to get number I was to busy checking behind for some numpty on phone not looking.

The bloke today driving along - wearing earphones so he couldn't hear anything, mobile in one hand busy texting with a cup of coffee in the other hand.

I blame power steering, cars are too easy to drive. Back in the day it took both hands on the wheel to drive a car.

Anyway - I stepped out in front of him so he spilt his coffee.