Nob of the Day.......

My Dad - 89 in August was about to buy a new car. Finally persuaded him not to as his driving is truly awful these days. (Not that it was ever brilliant). However he's carrying on with his current jalopy until it's MOT in August. If you drive / ride anywhere near Morpeth, Northumberland - be afraid, be very afraid.

I think my grandpa was 94 before he finally gander up his licence, he realised his reactions weren't what they used to be. My other grandpa had to have his taken away as he was becoming dangerous.

Plenty on the roads today, first warm Saturday it was all but guaranteed...

My misses would like to nominate the biker, she met just here coming the other way on on the wrong side of the road overtaking:

https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@50.7478956,-1.6356869,3a,75y,260.68h,85.16t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sOhjmquwiKtGgAY0y8HpHZg!2e0!7i13312!8i6656

My nomination would be the biker wearing sheep skin style jacket, in Lyndhurst who I watched cross the road in front of an ambulance. Biker was eating ice cream with 1 hand lid in other, ambulance had lights and sirens going tones changing biker crossing road did not seem to care...

My nomination would be the biker wearing sheep skin style jacket, in Lyndhurst who I watched cross the road in front of an ambulance. Biker was eating ice cream with 1 hand lid in other, ambulance had lights and sirens going tones changing biker crossing road did not seem to care...

you not heard of prebooking your taxi .....

Each of my work colleagues who drape their wet towel on top of the clothes rack rather than actually on a hanger, making all the clothes on the rack damp with their body damp.

I started just throwing their towels on the floor, I'm now upgrading to putting them straight in the bin.

Each of my work colleagues who drape their wet towel on top of the clothes rack rather than actually on a hanger, making all the clothes on the rack damp with their body damp.

I started just throwing their towels on the floor, I'm now upgrading to putting them straight in the bin.

Do you mind if I ask what do you do for a living?

My Dad - 89 in August was about to buy a new car. Finally persuaded him not to as his driving is truly awful these days. (Not that it was ever brilliant). However he's carrying on with his current jalopy until it's MOT in August. If you drive / ride anywhere near Morpeth, Northumberland - be afraid, be very afraid.

I'm afraid and I'm only in sunderland.....

Each of my work colleagues who drape their wet towel on top of the clothes rack rather than actually on a hanger, making all the clothes on the rack damp with their body damp.

I started just throwing their towels on the floor, I'm now upgrading to putting them straight in the bin.

Do you work in one of those ultra posh places that provides showers for its healthy living employees? If so I’d stop complaining before the rest of us normies set about you with a big stick

Each of my work colleagues who drape their wet towel on top of the clothes rack rather than actually on a hanger, making all the clothes on the rack damp with their body damp.

I started just throwing their towels on the floor, I'm now upgrading to putting them straight in the bin.

Do you mind if I ask what do you do for a living?

Office monkey (product management to be more specific)

We have a shower room that's used by a mix of people who cycle in, run in and for some reason some people who get the bus in and feel the need to shower here rather than at home. From what I've gathered from casual questioning it is the latter group who do the towel draping.

In true office politics style I've followed the agreed international process:

Stage one: put up a terse note

Stage two: sent a company email asking for a bit of politeness

Stage three: chuck items on floor in disgust

Stage four: place items directly in bin

For anyone who thinks I should just have a go at those directly involved, I did identify one culprit and had a word.... they subsequently left the company. I must be scarier than I think I am.

Each of my work colleagues who drape their wet towel on top of the clothes rack rather than actually on a hanger, making all the clothes on the rack damp with their body damp.

I started just throwing their towels on the floor, I'm now upgrading to putting them straight in the bin.

Do you mind if I ask what do you do for a living?

 

Office monkey (product management to be more specific)

We have a shower room that's used by a mix of people who cycle in, run in and for some reason some people who get the bus in and feel the need to shower here rather than at home. From what I've gathered from casual questioning it is the latter group who do the towel draping.

In true office politics style I've followed the agreed international process:

Stage one: put up a terse note

Stage two: sent a company email asking for a bit of politeness

Stage three: chuck items on floor in disgust

Stage four: place items directly in bin

For anyone who thinks I should just have a go at those directly involved, I did identify one culprit and had a word.... they subsequently left the company. I must be scarier than I think I am.

This is so British and I love it!

Now someone has just cooked fish in one of the microwaves. Guess who sits near the office kitchen....

Now someone has just cooked fish in one of the microwaves. Guess who sits near the office kitchen....

Someone did this in my work place, it was absolutely foul!

And people seem to have a near psychopathic level of disrespect for company toilets. Leaving a turd sticking out the water like the Titanic going down. Notes on the door don't work, these people left the toilet knowing what they'd done and they just didn't care.

People have stolen my lunch from the kitchen fridge as well. So I sent around a company wide e-mail effectively saying that the wrapping is distinctive, and most definitely not in the kitchen bin, so it was in someone else's bin. So I asked people while I came around and had a quick look (as lunch theft had become quite a big problem), that if they saw anyone try to move litter from their bin or cover it up to tell me.

The girl who took it tried to put a lot of paper over it apparently, then walked out of the office and stayed out over an hour. Lunches have mysteriously not gone missing since, and this girl stays in her office as much as humanely possible

A while ago, before I retired, there was a case of the 'missing quiche'

A group of the ladies in the office created themselves a lunchtime slimming club, they would take turns creating a lunchtime meal for the group then sit together discussing its relative merits, other dieting tips, slag off the other women in the office who weren't part of the group and on a Friday disappear into a conference room for a secret weigh in ( I got all this from an inside source )

One day a family sized quiche baked by one of the members went missing from the fridge.

A very sternly worded email was sent out to everyone in the office, this prompted many (un) helpful solutions:

"Don't worry, think of the calories you'll save'

"It would only be a woman who nicked it as real men don't each quiche"

"You are looking for either a really fat person or someone with lots of kids that pleads poverty"

"Watch out ... It could be the phantom flan flinger !!"

"If it had meat in it then all the veggies / vegans must be innocent"

"If it wasn't marked with all the ingredients then you can rule out anyone with any type of food intolerance"

" just put your full weight behind the investigation"

The best thing was that the diet club kept on sending snippy replies, which prompted a respose of " how many calories do you consure when you bite "

This kind of thing went on for an hour or so until a Senior Manager put a stop to it, I had a chuckle with him about it later, apparantly the diet club had tried to storm his office to demand that every one was searched and those not taking it seriously be disciplined, he was lucky that his very protective secretary was able to keep them at bay.

Now someone has just cooked fish in one of the microwaves. Guess who sits near the office kitchen....

I used to work with a guy who would mix a tin of mackerel with curry sauce and microwave it then bring it in the office to eat. Horrendous stench.

Some of my merry men have the delightful habit of sun-drying fish, usually close to the air conditioning intake. You have no idea how foul a dozen or so mackerel can smell after a few days in a hot sun

yep doubt my cat would touch that as well and he eats anything that's going

A while ago, before I retired, there was a case of the 'missing quiche'

A group of the ladies in the office created themselves a lunchtime slimming club, they would take turns creating a lunchtime meal for the group then sit together discussing its relative merits, other dieting tips, slag off the other women in the office who weren't part of the group and on a Friday disappear into a conference room for a secret weigh in ( I got all this from an inside source )

One day a family sized quiche baked by one of the members went missing from the fridge.

A very sternly worded email was sent out to everyone in the office, this prompted many (un) helpful solutions:

"Don't worry, think of the calories you'll save'

"It would only be a woman who nicked it as real men don't each quiche"

"You are looking for either a really fat person or someone with lots of kids that pleads poverty"

"Watch out ... It could be the phantom flan flinger !!"

"If it had meat in it then all the veggies / vegans must be innocent"

"If it wasn't marked with all the ingredients then you can rule out anyone with any type of food intolerance"

" just put your full weight behind the investigation"

The best thing was that the diet club kept on sending snippy replies, which prompted a respose of " how many calories do you consure when you bite "

This kind of thing went on for an hour or so until a Senior Manager put a stop to it, I had a chuckle with him about it later, apparantly the diet club had tried to storm his office to demand that every one was searched and those not taking it seriously be disciplined, he was lucky that his very protective secretary was able to keep them at bay.

Apparently, phenolphthalein quiche is quite popular, these days......

Yesterday.

The prick who ran into the back of Lisa's car and then sped off.

She couldn't get the full reg!!!

I will find you........

Yesterday.

The prick who ran into the back of Lisa's car and then sped off.

She couldn't get the full reg!!!

I will find you........

Sorry to hear that. Something similar happened to a mate and the other driver legged it. But he legged it down a rural lane which my mate knew didn't go anywhere. So he just called a few friends and waited at the only way back.

yep doubt my cat would touch that as well and he eats anything that's going

Mine will happily eat Quorn... and rice... and she'll give brocolli a go... and if there's a cat litter pebble on the floor she may give that a chomp too I swear she's a Labrador in cats clothing.

And people seem to have a near psychopathic level of disrespect for company toilets. Leaving a turd sticking out the water like the Titanic going down. Notes on the door don't work, these people left the toilet knowing what they'd done and they just didn't care.

I'm glad it's not just here it's like that then, the things I've seen

(The worst was shit around the rim... I was as concerned for their health as I was disgusted)

Anyway, today's office nob is the office manager who sent this very British peeved email:

Dear All

I’m not sure who caused the coffee trail this morning – starting from the downstairs fire exit all the way up to the kitchen door… but I don’t understand why you didn’t stop the leak on your way up.

I do wonder if you would have walked up your own stairs and around your own house with a leaking cup… and I can only assume the answer is ‘no’.

So, please, in future – I would kindly ask for a little more care to be shown for our surroundings… as we all spend so much time here it would be nice to treat the place with a little more respect.

Many thanks.

....if they'd taken the time to investigate the start and end of the trail they'd actually see it started at the office bin and ended at the outside bin. ie once again the overnight cleaner has just dragged a bag along the floor and out of the office with it leaking all the way.

Double points for sending it to 'all employees', which she's told people off for before because it emails everyone... the chairman, the private equity investors......

So now the people funding the company thinks that everyone is walking around throwing coffee everywhere for larks.

....if they'd taken the time to investigate the start and end of the trail they'd actually see it started at the office bin and ended at the outside bin. ie once again the overnight cleaner has just dragged a bag along the floor and out of the office with it leaking all the way.

Double points for sending it to 'all employees', which she's told people off for before because it emails everyone... the chairman, the private equity investors......

So now the people funding the company thinks that everyone is walking around throwing coffee everywhere for larks.

This is amazing and I would have expected the exact same scenario at my last place of work; including the double standards on emails to all.

Snarky, passive-aggressive office politics, full of high horses and post turtles drive me nuts

High horses I can get but "post turtles" is a new one on me. Please enlighten me so I can add it to my lexicon of insults!

High horses I can get but "post turtles" is a new one on me. Please enlighten me so I can add it to my lexicon of insults!

Hah, no worries. It's quite an old phrase, but the basic telling is:

An old rancher is talking about politics with a young man from the city. He compares a politician to a "post turtle". The young man doesn't understand and asks him what a post turtle is.

The old man says, "When you're driving down a country road and you see a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle. You know he didn't get up there by himself. He doesn't belong there; you wonder who put him there; he can't get anything done while he's up there; and you just want to help the poor, dumb thing down."

Sounds like Theresa May.