OliverMatthews Posted May 18, 2019 Share Posted May 18, 2019 A guy was walking down the high street past the pet shop when the owner called him in to see the latest new pet sensation."It's a talking centipede" he said, "only £20".The guy wasn't really in the market for a new pet, but on the other hand a talking centipede sounded cool, so finally he bought one, plus its tank, food and toys, for £30. He got home and set it up on the bookshelf. At first he just watched it scuttle around, buy after a while this got boring so he decided to make it talk."Hey mate - fancy going out for a pint?"He waited, but there wasn't a sound. He got more and more angry at the way he'd been conned out of his £30. Eventually he'd had enough - he deiced to give it one more chance before he took it all back to the pet shop to get his £30 back. So he shouted:"HEY MATE - FANCY GOING OUT FOR A PINT??!!"Then he heard a small voice saying"OK, OK, I heard you the first time!. Give me half a chance - I'm just putting my shoes on... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Six30 Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 Some people would have us believe that no matter what our skin colour, gender or race, we are all the same under the Skin... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smithers Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 Two gay cowboys having a chat. One says to the other "yerp" the other one replies "yep" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billy sugger Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 I saw a nun copulating a clown. I thought it was virgin on the rediculous Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gerontious Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Fro Posted May 25, 2019 Share Posted May 25, 2019 What's the most popular soup at Jamie Oliver's restaurants?Adminestrone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Six30 Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 TMBF mod meeting... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 TMBF mod meeting... Yup Still can't see you there though six Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Six30 Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 TMBF mod meeting... Yup Still can't see you there though six Someone’s got to take the photo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 TMBF mod meeting... Yup Still can't see you there though six Someone’s got to take the photo good come back! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old-timer Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 TMBF mod meeting... Yup Still can't see you there though six Oh... But he's there all right... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billy sugger Posted May 26, 2019 Share Posted May 26, 2019 an old racing driver has died last week.Lauder? AN OLD RACING DRIVER DIED LAST WEEK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Six30 Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dynax Posted May 27, 2019 Share Posted May 27, 2019 Went to the library the other day, wanted to read a book called " Honour Amongst Thieves ", some thieving twat only went and nicked it, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 I'm sure my mate is having an affair with my wife!! He has been proper miserable lately! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Six30 Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old-timer Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Six30 Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old-timer Posted June 2, 2019 Share Posted June 2, 2019 Many years ago, a friend of mine told me that, for his new job, he was going from door to door.He said that, if a man answered the door he pretended to be selling encyclopaedia.But if it was a woman, he would offer her sexual favours... For free."Oh well...", I said, "I'd expect you to find the door slammed in your face many many times then".He smirked and said: "Oh yah, many times... But I am occasionally invited in...". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dynax Posted June 2, 2019 Share Posted June 2, 2019 During my check-up I asked the Doctor"Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"He replied "I doubt it somehow -- Mercury is in Uranus right now"I said "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense"He replied"Neither do I --- My thermometer just broke" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Six30 Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BIKERDAD Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onesea Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 Husband stands in front of a mirror naked and asks his wife "Why do I always get a hard on when I look at myself naked?"Wife replies "Because even your your cock thinks your a ****". (C U Next Tuesday) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dynax Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 After spending 10 years on a Trawler, preparing the lobster pots, i am now proud to say, i have achieved the status of a Master Baiter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skyrider Posted June 13, 2019 Share Posted June 13, 2019 now there is an honour Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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