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[mention]Stu[/mention] should you not put this in the for sale wanted section?

I am guessing [mention]Six30[/mention] got it wrong..

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B7C3627B-413E-490F-B49F-C9A7FB38EB19.jpeg

@Stu should you not put this in the for sale wanted section?

I am guessing @Six30 got it wrong..

 

Not yet someone might see it!


I'm just learning to play the bag pipes.....

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B7C3627B-413E-490F-B49F-C9A7FB38EB19.jpeg

@Stu should you not put this in the for sale wanted section?

I am guessing @Six30 got it wrong..

 

Not yet someone might see it!


I'm just learning to play the bag pipes.....

 

it says no weirdo's :roll:

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2 friends go out on the lash. One gets really drunk and vomits all over himself. He is devastated and says to his friend that he cant go home and face his wife in this state.

His friend reassures him and gives him £20 and says, "tell your wife a guy threw up on you but gave you this money for the dry cleaning bill".

Happy with this he staggers home and on seeing the state her husbands in his wife starts to berrate him. "No no wait a minute let me explain !!". He pleads. "A guy threw up all over me but gave me this twenty quid for the dry cleaning cost", and hands her the money.

His wife is puzzled and says "but theres 2 twenty pound notes here?". He replies, "the other twenty is from the guy who shat in my pants".

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A fella is worried about his wife so takes her to the doctors.

After an hours thorough examination the doctor comes out to the man nervously waiting outside.

"What`s wrong with her doctor" the man asks."Well Mr Smith I can`t be certain but I have narrowed it down to 2 possibilities, she either has Aids or Alzheimers".

"Oh my god what should I do" says Smith.

The doctor reply`s " I f I were you Sir I would take her for along walk in the woods and leave her there, then if she finds her way home don`t f**k her".

Cheers

Ian

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Man: Today we are going to try something new.

Woman: What are you talking about?

Man: Sex, we will try something new.

Woman: Really? What do you have in mind?

Man: We will have sex in your ears.

Woman: Don't be stupid, I'll go deaf.

Man: Did you went mute last time?

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Man goes to the Amsterdam red light district and tells one of the girls:

"I will pay you 500 Euros if you have sex with me.

But... I do fancy to slap you afterwards".

Girl says: "Ok I guess, but how long will you slap me for ?".

Man says: "Till you give me back the money"...

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A German guy called Helmut approaches a lady of the night in London .

"I vish to buy sex viz you."

"Okay," says the girl, "I charge £50 an hour."

"Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky."

"No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky for an extra £10."

Helmut agrees.

So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.

"I vant zat you tie zese springs to each of your hans und knees."

The girl finds this odd, but complies, fastening the springs as requested.

"Now you vill get down on your hans und knees."

This she duly does, balancing precariously on the springs.

"You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you."

She thinks this even odder, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying).

But the sex is fantastic: honking away on the duck caller, she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German. The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it's several minutes before she has enough breath to say, "That was totally amazing! What do you call that position?"

"Zat," replies the German, "is ze Four-sprung Duck Technique

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Years ago, when horse droppings in the streets were a common sight still, there was a little boy playing with a heap of horse dung.

A police officer went up to the boy asking: "so what are you doing young man?".

The boy replied: "Molding a postman".

"Now why should you do that", the constable asked.

"Well, postmen are sh*t", the boy said.

He threw the dung back on the heap and started molding something new.

The officer asked: "And what might that be ?".

"Schoolteacher", the boy said.

Again he threw the dung back on the heap and started to scrape as much dung as he could.

The policeman thought he knew what was coming, and trying to outsmart the boy he said:

"I get this feeling that a police officer will be next, right ?".

"No !".

"No ? Why not ?".

"Not enough sh*t" the boy replied.

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