"Come on - we haven't had a good punch-up on here for ages!"

Diving forum, i bought an old diving suit and it leaks can i fix it with bathroom sealant

Oh God – the scuba forums.

I made the mistake of mentioning hog-rigging and primary donation on a BSAC forum once, and the torrent of shit it unleashed was unholy. Most of the people who piled on had never actually had to deal with an out-of-gas diver for real, and were blissfully unaware of how badly their pool training prepared them for dealing with the reality.

The technical diving forums were just as bad, if not worse: egotistical elitism at its worst. If you ever made the mistake of posting a photo of yourself over a nice wreck or pretty coral reef some twat would be along almost immediately with his f*cking protractor to make disparaging comments about your trim or the attack angle of your fins. And if you used any reg other than a butt-ugly Apeks, well – you were as good as dead before you’d got in the water.

Speaking of which, on the (thankfully) rare occasions that fatalities are reported on here there is a respectful extension of condolences and then we all quietly move on. Some of those diving forums used every accident as an opportunity for endless dissection and pontification, with everyone suddenly considering themselves to be fully qualified accident investigators.

Then one day in early 2012, after years of diving, I was 30 metres down in a murky green lake with the icy water trickling down my spine from the worn-out neck seal of my dry suit when I had an epiphany:

“I hate this. I hate everything about it. Why did I leave my little boy at home this morning for this? He just wanted to make Lego spaceships with me, and I left him in tears at the front door as I drove off. F*ck it – I’m bailing out and going home.”

And I did. I went home, put every item of dive gear I owned on Ebay that very day and have never looked back. And with the money I raised I bought a gorgeous butterscotch blonde Fender P-bass and joined a bass-players forum.

What a mistake that was…

Diving forum, i bought an old diving suit and it leaks can i fix it with bathroom sealant

 

Oh God – the scuba forums.

Then one day in early 2012, after years of diving, I was 30 metres down in a murky green lake with the icy water trickling down my spine from the worn-out neck seal of my dry suit when I had an epiphany:

“I hate this. I hate everything about it. Why did I leave my little boy at home this morning for this? He just wanted to make Lego spaceships with me, and I left him in tears at the front door as I drove off. F*ck it – I’m bailing out and going home.”

And I did. I went home, put every item of dive gear I owned on Ebay that very day and have never looked back. And with the money I raised I bought a gorgeous butterscotch blonde Fender P-bass and joined a bass-players forum.

What a mistake that was…

Should have bought more Lego

If you want real vitriol and hate then join a beekeeping forum. The self righteous arrogance and intolerance is unbelievable. The "grand masters" think they are the sole possessors of the truth about bees and anyone who dares think differently is a heretic.

The thing is that no-one ever really understands bees, they are as near an alien species as you can encounter without leaving the planet (or visiting Yorkshire).

Insulting Yorkshire will do well to start an argument too!!!

Diving forum, i bought an old diving suit and it leaks can i fix it with bathroom sealant

Insulting Yorkshire will do well to start an argument too!!!

Especially West Yorkshire, Leeds,Leeds,Leeds

The trouble with insulting Yorkshire is it's just too easy. - Thick in t'arm, thick in t'head. Long pockets, short arms etc etc etc. Course originally I was from Lancashire so that may have something to do with my attitude to Yorkshire.

The trouble with insulting Yorkshire is it's just too easy. - Thick in t'arm, thick in t'head. Long pockets, short arms etc etc etc. Course originally I was from Lancashire so that may have something to do with my attitude to Yorkshire.

Back in the early 1990s I walked into a pub (near Cleckheaton, if memory serves) with a lad who had just won a martial arts competition earlier that day. Buoyed up with his success he announced his arrival by flinging the doors open and shouting "Alright you Yorkshire puddings!"

The inevitable happened, and after he'd staggered out into the car park he propped himself up against his XR3i and asked me why I had just stood there watching him getting a good hiding.

"Because you deserved it, you f*cking idiot."

[mention]S-Westerly[/mention]

Nothing like a good Trans Pennine bash! Now I'm down sarf doing missionary work I can piss off all my neighbours too by banging on about how the north is so much ....... (Fill in adjective of choice).

When I was 19 I lived in Cornwall for a year. People used to step back when they heard my accent

Well known fact that Cornishmen have webbed feet. Who's left to insult?

Well known fact that Cornishmen have webbed feet. Who's left to insult?

Oh the Cornish are worse than that... You can live there 99.9% of yourlife but if your born the wrong side of the bridge...

Your never going to be Cornish... .

PS Don't you wish they would start breeding Scouser's with Geordies. Then already the Scouser's would be to lazy to pinch anything...

I am very sad to announce that it looks like I have misplaced "RantMachine's map of the UK", which is a real shame as it would've been incredibly relevant right now. I believe Cornwall was labelled with "Racist Hobbits and Retired Pirates"? But it's been a while since I last looked at it.

But I did find this gem in my TMBF Sh*tposting folder...