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How are you feeling ?

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fastbob
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Re: How are you feeling ?

Post by fastbob » Fri Oct 16, 2020 5:57 pm

mthinesy wrote:
Fri Oct 16, 2020 4:28 pm
@MarkW I read your story, really had an impact.

I can relate to your comments on being friendly with everyone and no friends with anyone. Granted, I'm looking at that from a totally different angle altogether. I turned 38 last week and I feel now that I'm in this existence on my own and that as you say, nobody really has your back. I was never close to my dad, and now I've been living away from home for over 6 years we haven't got closer. My mum was diagnosed with Dementia pretty much as I left and that is really tough to deal with. Daily guilt. Should I go home and help more? I lost my first grand parent last October and he was my father figure. I still haven't dealt with it.

Biking is a lonely hobby really, maybe that's part of the attraction.
When you say that you haven't dealt with it sometimes you have to ask yourself what dealing with it would actually look like . Your " Fight " response is telling you must do X,Y and Z , stick it in a box and place it in the outbound mail . Done . But life , memories and emotions don't work like that . Time is a healer is a cliche but there is some truth in that . Only trouble is , we can't jump forward to the better times to come . But they will come .

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Tankbag
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Re: How are you feeling ?

Post by Tankbag » Fri Oct 16, 2020 6:25 pm

Thread of the year @fastbob
We will have to have the mother of all TMBF camp up meets in 2021 or 22 who the hell knows.
Stay strong TMBF legends ♡
Image

In the Buff HERE = viewtopic.php?f=6&t=73218

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Six30
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Re: How are you feeling ?

Post by Six30 » Fri Oct 16, 2020 7:24 pm

Tankbag wrote:
Fri Oct 16, 2020 6:25 pm
Thread of the year @fastbob
We will have to have the mother of all TMBF camp up meets in 2021 or 22 who the hell knows.
Stay strong TMBF legends ♡

fook off.... im not going no where with this lot.....
tenor (2).gif
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XTreme
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Re: How are you feeling ?

Post by XTreme » Fri Oct 16, 2020 7:26 pm

Tankbag wrote:
Fri Oct 16, 2020 6:25 pm
We will have to have the mother of all TMBF camp up meets
You're going to camp it up when you meet?
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rennie
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Re: How are you feeling ?

Post by rennie » Fri Oct 16, 2020 7:45 pm

Yeah! :thumb: you don't know it yet but it's in Granada and we're all staying at yours! :cheers: 8-) :lol:
Ian.
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Re: How are you feeling ?

Post by skyrider » Fri Oct 16, 2020 7:51 pm

yeah should be warm enough :)
the law in all it's majestic equality forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges to beg in the street and to steal bread.
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James in Brum
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Re: How are you feeling ?

Post by James in Brum » Fri Oct 16, 2020 7:56 pm

Hi Gang
Great thread @fastbob .
I have been debating whether to share or not, I find it hard to share things that make me feel vulnerable. I have been inspired by the courage shown by those choosing to share and indeed by those choosing not to share because that it what is right for them.
The story of who I am (rather than my life) begins with me growing up, up until 11 years old, with a Dad and Mum. Dad seemed to favour my sister hugely and I was a wimpy kid.
At 11 my mum told me she was leaving. My Dad responded a short while later by trying to kill himself. I woke up to hear Mum on the phone to ambulance so at 11 was trying to wake my dad up and keep him upright whilst we waited for the Ambulance. I felt I needed to stay with my Dad when Mum left. She moved it with a full on Cnut.
Over the next few years I was quite unhappy, didn't belong anywhere it seemed and was consistently struggling with odd dynamics in the two families. Over that next few years my Mum whom was the main person in my heart basically groomed me to be abused by her husband. Not just me either. I was lucky, once actual incidence and not too severe as these things go. My mum also blamed me for times when she and I would go for a walk and leave my sister with my step dad, portraying that I was causing the risk with my selfishness. All pretty unpleasant.
At 16 Dad kicked me out and I spent the next few years being miserable. I found myself the company and victim of a bloke I worked away with installing industrial equipment. He bullied and abused me. It was really shit. I kept finding myself being the victim of ar*eholes for a few years. I thought I was depressed but in reality life was just shit. I tried to kill myself with overdoses a couple of times, always whilst intoxicated by taking whatever pills I had lying around and then going to bed. Woke up both times.
A few things along the way helped, there were some people who I met who in stead of abusing me took care of me, showed me kindness and valued me. I went bankrupt at 22. I started to turn things around when I was 24. I am lucky that I was able to and any of the ways I mistreated myself did not last and I could recover. It was hard, I don't trust anyone with my real self. The nearest is Mrs in Brum but I cannot be truly vulnerable even with her.
I love my kids but I am not sure if I am as open as I would like to be. I imagine terrible things happening and assume I would be okay.
I don't tend to feel strong feelings and am only content when I am really busy and therefore distracted, I'm not sure I could every use the word Happy, but then I am rarely sad and low either theses days. I find playing the little kid games hard because I am not distracted enough. I am driven to be busy and to be kind.
I think I do okay at both and I have made a success of myself but with a dysfunctional relationship with myself and with others.
Time spent being groovy to each other is always well
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XTreme
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Re: How are you feeling ?

Post by XTreme » Fri Oct 16, 2020 8:00 pm

rennie wrote:
Fri Oct 16, 2020 7:45 pm
Yeah! :thumb: you don't know it yet but it's in Grenada and we're all staying at yours! :cheers: 8-) :lol:
Grenada is in the Caribbean Ian!
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XTreme
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Re: How are you feeling ?

Post by XTreme » Fri Oct 16, 2020 8:05 pm

James in Brum wrote:
Fri Oct 16, 2020 7:56 pm
Hi Gang
Great thread @fastbob .
I have been debating whether to share or not, I find it hard to share things that make me feel vulnerable. I have been inspired by the courage shown by those choosing to share and indeed by those choosing not to share because that it what is right for them.
The story of who I am (rather than my life) begins with me growing up, up until 11 years old, with a Dad and Mum. Dad seemed to favour my sister hugely and I was a wimpy kid.
At 11 my mum told me she was leaving. My Dad responded a short while later by trying to kill himself. I woke up to hear Mum on the phone to ambulance so at 11 was trying to wake my dad up and keep him upright whilst we waited for the Ambulance. I felt I needed to stay with my Dad when Mum left. She moved it with a full on Cnut.
Over the next few years I was quite unhappy, didn't belong anywhere it seemed and was consistently struggling with odd dynamics in the two families. Over that next few years my Mum whom was the main person in my heart basically groomed me to be abused by her husband. Not just me either. I was lucky, once actual incidence and not too severe as these things go. My mum also blamed me for times when she and I would go for a walk and leave my sister with my step dad, portraying that I was causing the risk with my selfishness. All pretty unpleasant.
At 16 Dad kicked me out and I spent the next few years being miserable. I found myself the company and victim of a bloke I worked away with installing industrial equipment. He bullied and abused me. It was really shit. I kept finding myself being the victim of ar*eholes for a few years. I thought I was depressed but in reality life was just shit. I tried to kill myself with overdoses a couple of times, always whilst intoxicated by taking whatever pills I had lying around and then going to bed. Woke up both times.
A few things along the way helped, there were some people who I met who in stead of abusing me took care of me, showed me kindness and valued me. I went bankrupt at 22. I started to turn things around when I was 24. I am lucky that I was able to and any of the ways I mistreated myself did not last and I could recover. It was hard, I don't trust anyone with my real self. The nearest is Mrs in Brum but I cannot be truly vulnerable even with her.
I love my kids but I am not sure if I am as open as I would like to be. I imagine terrible things happening and assume I would be okay.
I don't tend to feel strong feelings and am only content when I am really busy and therefore distracted, I'm not sure I could every use the word Happy, but then I am rarely sad and low either theses days. I find playing the little kid games hard because I am not distracted enough. I am driven to be busy and to be kind.
I think I do okay at both and I have made a success of myself but with a dysfunctional relationship with myself and with others.
Damn James.....really sorry to hear all that!

It seems there's a few of us who had the misfortune to have bad parents.

Glad life is looking better for you now.....I think the key is that even though you'll never forget the past, you can't allow your future to be determined by those experiences.

James in Brum
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Re: How are you feeling ?

Post by James in Brum » Fri Oct 16, 2020 8:29 pm

XTreme wrote:
Fri Oct 16, 2020 8:05 pm


Damn James.....really sorry to hear all that!

It seems there's a few of us who had the misfortune to have bad parents.

Glad life is looking better for you now.....I think the key is that even though you'll never forget the past, you can't allow your future to be determined by those experiences.
One weird thing; we started this with Brexit in mind. I had just started a new senior role and then a month later Covid arrived. I thoroughly enjoyed it at first. I had daily challenges to face, was succeeding at it and there was the excitement of the challenge.
Now that it has become boring it's all a bit rubbish :-)
Time spent being groovy to each other is always well
Spent

bonio
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Re: How are you feeling ?

Post by bonio » Fri Oct 16, 2020 9:55 pm

The GOAT wrote:
Fri Oct 16, 2020 3:50 pm
Ok my year in a nutshell...
That's way too much shite for one year :(
Two Soups

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Re: How are you feeling ?

Post by WD-40 » Sat Oct 17, 2020 11:13 am

@James in Brum Terrible thing that happened to you. Made me feel sick to my stomach reading it. There is unfortunately a small percentage of evil people in the world and you were the victim of one of them. Don't blame yourself for any of it. It wasn't your fault. You did nothing wrong. You've got nothing to be ashamed of. It might not feel like it but you are very strong for finding a way through it and keeping going.

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Re: How are you feeling ?

Post by gymwitch » Sat Oct 17, 2020 1:32 pm

I think the massive breakthrough is when you suddenly realise its all down to the abuser and has absolutely nothing to do with you as a person. It would have happened to anyone that was unfortunate enough to be around those sorry sad excuses of human beings. Its not personal. Its their problems not yours and doesnt have to define you anymore.
I'm fat but identify as skinny...i'm trans-slender :D

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Re: How are you feeling ?

Post by WD-40 » Sat Oct 17, 2020 2:27 pm

@gymwitch That's true. I think a lot of people who are victims of abuse think why did this happen to me? This doesn't happen to other people. There must be something wrong with me. When the truth is there is nothing wrong with them, they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

James in Brum
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Re: How are you feeling ?

Post by James in Brum » Sat Oct 17, 2020 6:17 pm

Thanks for the kind and compassionate comments :-)
I’m okay with the world these days :-)
Time spent being groovy to each other is always well
Spent

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