puggybear Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 I'm really good at mental arithmetic-97% of my answers are correct.....so I don't fuss about the other 5% Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grumpy Old Git Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 All my answers are perfectly (100%) correct - It is the questions which are suspect! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Classickid21 Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 What do you call a duck on drugs? a quack head LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 What do you call a fly with no wings???...................A WALK!!! Bahahahaha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fredc Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Prince Charles is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one. The patient replies: "Fair fa your honest sonsie face, Great chieftain o the puddin race, Aboon them a ye take yer place, Painch, tripe or thairm, As langs my airm." HRH is confused, so he just smiles and moves on to the next patient. The patient responds: "Some hae meat an canna eat, And some wad eat that want it, But we hae meat an we can eat, So let the Lord be thankit." Even more confused, the Prince moves on to the next patient, who Immediately begins to chant: "Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty, O the panic in thy breasty, Thou needna start awa sae hastie, Wi bickering brattle." Now seriously troubled, Charles turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, "Is this a psychiatric ward?" "No," replies the doctor, "This is the serious Burns unit" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DreamytimeEscorts Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Stuart Hall, Rolf Harris and Max Clifford go into a bar, the Irish barman says "Oh, not Yew Tree again". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DreamytimeEscorts Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 My missus just got out of the shower and said "I've just shaved my fanny, you know what that means". I said " yeah, the plug hole's bunged up again". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tango Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Prince Charles is attending a civic reception in Hull. The mayor of Hull is intrigued by the fox skin that Prince Charles is wearing on his head. Eventuall he has to ask."Sir, that's a very interesting piece of headwear you have on""Ah yes" replies Prince Charles, "my mother suggested it""Really?" asks the mayor"Yes, I told my mother that I was coming to Hull and asked her advice on what I should wear. Her Majesty said "Hull? wear the fox hat!"" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mpl Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 I started looking for a Ukrainian bride- I hope to meet a chick in kiev! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cyberwolf Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Whats the difference between captain morgan and Amy Winehouse?Captain morgan comes alive when you add coke!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glorian Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 In america there is lots of crows dead on the side of the road, being not wasteful creatures the other crows eat the corpses, However there is always one lookout crow watching out for the others. Now while a crow can say "Cah-Cah" it can't say "truck" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RantMachine Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Right, that's it - everyone switch the lights off and go home, Glorian found the worst joke Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Fro Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 But wait, that "joke" is factually incorrect. In the good old US of A, they refer to cars as "automobiles"... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazziep Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I've joined a reggae band playing the triangle, I just stand at the back and ting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazziep Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I went to see the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra and halfway through the triangle player disappeared. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glorian Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Right, that's it - everyone switch the lights off and go home, Glorian found the worst joke I am currently grinning ear to ear Love knowing my jokes are causing misery hahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikolees Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Not mine, but this one is good-bad:ACU gold sticker can certify that Arais are good enough Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puggybear Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Strange creatures,teenagers; years ago,they kept diaries. If anyone read their entries..Hell to pay.Today,they post on Farcebook..if nobody reads their entries..Hell to pay.WTF Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puggybear Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Damnit,I've misplaced/lost/mislaid my Thesaurus.......I just can't find the words to express/explain/describe/clarify how upset I am.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puggybear Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I'd just like to warn you fellas;honesty is NOT always the best policy.The g/f and I have split up...somewhat acrimoniously.It's HER fault-she murmured "Say something really nice",as we were snuggling.So,coz I'm honest,and I wanted to please her,I said;"You've got the cleanest sink I've ever pissed in".....Oh,yeah. It's ok for YOU..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azen Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 A Dyslexic man walked into a bra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grumpy Old Git Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 How do you get a tissue to dance?Put a little boogie in it! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef Where does a general keep his army?In his sleevy. How do you get holy water?Boil the hell out of it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azen Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 What do you call a fly with no legs?.... A Walk. what do you call a sheep with no legs?...... A Cloud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Six30 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 This is bad...I used to live in a tea pot.... I know what your thinking...poor you.I'll get me coat..taxi ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fq-craigus Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Cal crutchlow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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