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Your worst joke!!!


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A man goes into the confession booth and says, "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I'm 50, unmarried and having sex frequently with a 21 year old woman." The priest said, "It's good that you have come to me, but I haven't seen you at our mass. Tell me my son, how long have you been Catholic?" The man answered, "Oh, I'm not. I'm Jewish." Surprised, the priest asked, "Then why are you telling me?" The man said, "I told you I'm 50 and having sex with a 21 year old. I'M TELLING EVERYONE!"

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  • 2 weeks later...

A government warning said that anyone travelling in icy conditions should take:


Shovel, Blankets or sleeping bag


Extra clothing including scarf, hat and gloves


24 hours supply of food and drink


De-Icer


5Kgs of Rock Salt


Torch or lantern with spare batteries

Road Flares and Reflective Triangles


Tow rope


5 gallon petrol Jerrycan


First Aid Kit


Jump Leads












I looked a proper tit on the bus this morning !!!!!

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I put a blank CD into my stereo today,then played it at FULL VOLUME for an hour!



....the annoying mime artist who lives next door went totally nuts! :booty:

Off topic, but we used to record no sound for 2mins, then the noise of a baby screaming or some other annoying noise, take the CD into Dixons and put it into one of the CD players, crank it to full volume, walk away... 2mins later WAAAAAA Wahhhhaaaa... fun and games :twisted:

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I put a blank CD into my stereo today,then played it at FULL VOLUME for an hour!



....the annoying mime artist who lives next door went totally nuts! :booty:

Off topic, but we used to record no sound for 2mins, then the noise of a baby screaming or some other annoying noise, take the CD into Dixons and put it into one of the CD players, crank it to full volume, walk away... 2mins later WAAAAAA Wahhhhaaaa... fun and games :twisted:

 


I like going in to those stores and pairing my phone up then crank the volume walk away then press play :lol:

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I put a blank CD into my stereo today,then played it at FULL VOLUME for an hour!



....the annoying mime artist who lives next door went totally nuts! :booty:

Off topic, but we used to record no sound for 2mins, then the noise of a baby screaming or some other annoying noise, take the CD into Dixons and put it into one of the CD players, crank it to full volume, walk away... 2mins later WAAAAAA Wahhhhaaaa... fun and games :twisted:

 


I like going in to those stores and pairing my phone up then crank the volume walk away then press play :lol:

the modern equivalent - like it :cheers:

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  • 3 weeks later...

In the train this morning I overheard 4 English girls telling (word) jokes from their smartphones.

(Hang on, that's not the joke...) :roll: .

I remember these 3:


What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo ?

A hippo is very heavy and a zippo is a little lighter...


Why did the old man fall into a well ?

He did not see that well...


And The Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life ...".

But John came fifth and got a toaster...


:mrgreen:


It was a very enjoyable ride. :D

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